A Room with a View

Enticed back to blogging by the ever faithful meme...

2007-04-11T18:30:00.000+01:00

Thanks ever so much to Seeking Solace and my fellow Brit Sidonia for luring me out of my blogging stupor by tagging me...I've been really struggling to find the motivation to write anything at all. I'll do Seeking Solace's meme first as I'll have to spend a bit of time thinking about five (vaguely interesting) things that you don't all already know about me.

So, the five things that I do everyday in order to be successful...

Hmmm. Actually, before I start, I should say that I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about how I define success and how I am/am not successful in the various areas of my life. Leaving my PhD programme made me realize that I've spent most of my life defining my success by my achievements in academic pursuits (and some other competitive fields). I'd never really explicitly considered that I could be successful by having good relationships, being a good friend, being healthy, being involved in the community, and even just being happy and content. I've been fortunate to have had many of these things in my life, but I never thought of myself as successful because of them. Clearly, the way I view success has changed monumentally. Perhaps it had to after my long period of depression and my long period of physical illness last year? Perhaps it had more to do with my decision to leave my PhD? I'm not quite sure, but I'm thinking about this a lot as I try to figure out where I'm going from here. I'd like to write about it some more too, but, for now, on with the meme where I'll interpret 'in order to be successful' as meaning feeling generally good about stuff!

1. Like Seeking Solace, I! must! have! coffee! Usually, I'm a skinny latte girl, but the weather's warming up which means my addiction to mocha frappuccinos will soon resurface. Yum!
2. Wash my hair! I know that lots of people (including my hairdresser) advise against it, but I just feel totally yucky if I don't shower and wash my hair every single morning. To compensate (or at least assuage my guilt!) for the relentless washing that I put my hair through, I do splash out on lovely shampoos, conditioners and other treatments. (Bonus OCD confession: Even if I go to the gym first thing in the morning, I can't workout properly unless I wash my hair before I go, which means that quite often I wash my hair twice a day. Please don't tell me off! I've already stuck my fingers in my ears so that I can't hear you! :))
3. Tidy my home. I know that's very boring, but I can't get any work done if the flat is messy, so I try to make sure it's relatively tidy before I go to bed, otherwise I end up procrastinating by tidying/cleaning for way too long in the mornings...
4. Spend at least some time chatting and hanging out with my husband. He's just the best and almost always helps me to feel better and figure stuff out. He's also tons of fun.
5. Listen to music and also not listen to music! Yes, I know that sounds odd. I love music and no day would be complete without listening to some. But, I also need to have quiet times too. My husband doesn't get this. He'd happily listen to music from dawn until bedtime, but I really do need noise-free time.

I'm not sure who's done this already, but if you haven't and you'd like to, consider yourself tagged!

Musings and Cat Blogging

2007-03-22T16:24:00.000Z

I just realized that I haven't posted for three weeks. I started and saved lots of posts and I've thought about even more, but I seemingly haven't been able to actually hit the publish button. I think that in itself is quite instructive about how I've been feeling recently and how things are progressing in my life. A lot's been happening and a lot of things are in the really early stages of development, and, to be honest, just thinking about them is pretty draining. My life has changed so much in the past year that it's difficult to get my head around it all (even though almost all of the changes have been massively positive). I want to think about it all because I need to bring some clarity and order to everything and to figure out where to take things from here, but it's hard work and I've been avoiding it for no good reason. I need to stop doing that. Hmmm, I realize that this sounds cryptic, but it's not intentionally so, just that I really can't get my thoughts in shape to make it more specific. So, I'll ramble no longer and simply leave you with a photo of my fluffy houseguest from last week. He may look cute (and indeed he is!) but he's also very demanding...

Questions from Profgrrrrl

2007-02-27T14:35:00.000Z

I thought that doing a meme would be a good way to get back into blogging a bit more, so I was only too happy to take Profgrrrrl up on her offer to ask five me questions. If anyone else hasn't already done this and would like to play along, leave a comment and I'll email you five questions...

1. How often do you actually eat pink cupcakes?
I love cupcakes but haven't actually eaten a pink one for three years - I hope that doesn't mean I have to change my pseudonym! During my first year of grad school, I had a friend who would buy mini pink cupcakes for her three or four closest friends whenever something good or something bad happened to one of us. Being in grad school, something good or bad was always happening, so we ate a whole lot of pink cupcakes that year! The reason I gave myself the pseudonym was because my friend (who is very French and very theatrical!) would often write me notes that began 'My dear Pink Cupcake' (If you knew her, it wouldn't seem so odd!). However, as I almost never buy cakes myself (I've only had one cake in the last 7 months!), I've been letting my pseudonym down of late...

2. What is your favorite chocolate treat from your favorite chocolate shop?
I only eat chocolate very occasionally (yes, I realize the whole no cakes and no chocolate thing is making me sound like a boring health freak, but I'm interesting and fun honestly! :)) , but, because of that, I always treat myself to my favourite handmade chocolate. It's a really creamy white chocolate with raisins and tiny nut pieces in it and it makes my mouth water just thinking about it! They break it into rough bite sized chunks and serve it in traditional stripy paper bags. I also love the Vienna mints that they sell. They're awesome with espresso after dinner. Such dark chocolate and intense peppermint. Mmmm...

3. What do you most hope to do this weekend?
That's easy. I want to run! I only started running a couple of months ago, but I've really fallen for it, and have entered for quite a few 5K and 10K races this year. I don't just enjoy the fitness benefits it gives me, but I also find it a huge stress-reliever and a great way of getting myself to think clearly. The only problem is that although it's what I most hope to do this weekend, I'm not sure that I'll be able to, as I've injured a tendon in my right calf/foot area. I've rested it quite a bit (which is SO hard for me as I just want to keep running!) and done the whole RICE thing, but it's still not totally better, so I'm going to see a sports injury specialist tomorrow. Please keep your fingers crossed that I won't be out of action too long!

4. If you were given $100 (or should I say £100?) and told to spend it on the spot, what would you buy?
A few weeks ago I would have definitely said a pink ipod nano, as I'd been coveting them for ages, but now I have one! So, I'd spend it on clothes instead. I know that's not particularly interesting, but having lost 77 pounds, I literally have two pairs of trousers and couple of tops that fit me (except for workout type clothes). I desperately need to go on a shopping spree!

5. What holiday do you celebrate most enthusiastically?
Christmas! I'm not particularly religious and I dislike all the unnecessary spending, but I love Christmas carols, mulled wine, christmas trees, twinkly white lights, thoughtful gifts, good food, watching It's a Wonderful Life and hanging out with family and friends...

Teething Troubles

2007-02-20T22:20:00.001Z

I've been feeling a little out of sorts with my blogging of late. It's fantastic to be back again, but I don't feel as if I've really got into the swing of things yet. I got so used to not blogging for quite a while, that I got out of the habit of doing so. There are many things that I want to write about here, but it just isn't happening naturally at the moment. It's not that I don't have the desire to blog, which was how I felt before I took my hiatus. I want to write about so much, so why don't I just do it? Perhaps there's so much I want to say that I'm paralysed by it and feel like I can only write waffly Random Bullets, but I'm not sure that's whole story. Perhaps it's because I'm going through so many (good) major changes in my life and I'm not quite sure how to articulate my feelings about them. I'm both exhausted and excited by all the things I'm trying to process and I really think it would help me to write about them here. Hopefully I'll get my flow back soon...

I also feel like a bad member of this little bloggy community. I've been so appreciative of all the wonderful comments that you've left me since I've been back, but I haven't been very good at all about commenting on your blogs. It's not that I'm not reading or that I don't find plenty of things that I want to comment on, quite the opposite. I think I just got used to skulking around under the cover of bloglines during my hiatus and it feels a bit weird to venture back out into the open again. I realize that sounds a little silly.

Hmmmm. I want to think some more about all of this, and, you never know, I may even write some more soon...

30

2007-02-17T07:35:00.000Z

At 6.32am, exactly 30 years ago, a little Pink Cupcake was born. I was a very little Pink Cupcake indeed. In keeping with my lifelong desire to never be late, I was born 6 weeks prematurely and was a pretty poorly little thing, spending the first few weeks of my life in an incubator. Of course, things soon took a turn for the better and so many wonderful (and some not so wonderful) things have happened to me in the last three decades. But, it still doesn't seem possible that I'm thirty already!

I've had a lovely week leading up to my birthday. Mr Cupcake took the week off work and we've been on some lovely long walks in and around our beautiful city, stopping off at ever more scenic coffee shops along the way. The downside to this is that Mr Cupcake's presence at home all day has a rather detrimental effect on my blogging, which is why posting's been more than light. I'll be back in the swing of things next week, and have naturally informed Mr Cupcake that he will have to cancel any further planned time off. ;)

So, my plans for the big day...I'll pretty much be keeping to my usual routine for the first part of the day. I was up at 6.45am, as I am every Saturday, and will head off for the gym at 8am. Hopefully my legs will be in the mood for a good run. After that we'll head to Starbucks for our regular post-gym skinny latte. Then we'll head home to open my cards and gifts (yay!), before popping out for lunch (mmm...Italian food!). We'll probably go for a walk along my favourite stretch of the beach this afternoon, and this evening we're staying in and will share a bottle of one of my favourite champagnes (just about the pinkest champagne you can get!) and some chocolates from the best. chocolate. shop. ever.* that is less than 50 metres from our home. I can't decide whether that's a blessing or a curse!

Have a great weekend! Cupcakes for everyone! :)

* I realize that the chocolate shop link gives away the city I live in. I'm fine with that, but would prefer it if the city wasn't mentioned by name in the comments. Thanks!

Very Random Bullets...

2007-02-09T17:50:00.000Z

The meeting with faculty from the psychotherapy/counselling department was great. Everyone was incredibly nice and very, very interesting. I was really excited before I went, but left even more so. It also really helped me to finalize my thoughts about the type of psychotherapy I want to specialize in. I now need to get working on my application (especially the personal statement) and chase up my referees. Fingers crossed that I get invited for a formal interview...
We're not going to Florence for my birthday anymore. :( Our very old building is in need of some very costly and urgent maintenance work, so we decided that rather than stretch the budget too far, we'd postpone our trip for a while. I actually wrote a long-winded whine about the whole thing to post at Phantom's on Wednesday, which ended with an anti-whine to the effect that 'if postponing a holiday is the worst thing I have to whine about, then really I'm very fortunate'. Haloscan obviously didn't think I should be whining either, as it ate my comment and I was too mad with it to retype it! ;)
Even though we're not going away, Mr Cupcake's still taking the whole week off! Yay! Of course, being a corporate lawyer, he's had to work really early and really late for the last few days so that he can actually take time off. Boo!
This is one of the reasons I never regret my decision not to become a corporate lawyer. That said, he totally loves what he does. Umm, yeah, I married a guy who gets inappropriately excited about mergers and acquisitions and commercial contracts!
That aside, he's fairly normal and (in my humble opinion) very, very wonderful. Did I tell you that he bought me a dual Spanish/English edition of Neruda's 100 Love Sonnets (complete with a bright pink cover!) for our tenth anniversary recently?
It's soooooo cold here! I realize that it's probably WAY colder where some of you are, but I'm a weak, feeble southerner and I just can't be doing with this...
As a result, I wasn't particularly looking forward to walking to the (not so) local postal delivery office this morning to pick up a parcel that they attempted to deliver a couple of days ago when I was out. I was even more disconcerted when the guy brought out the biggest! parcel! ever! I wasn't sure I'd manage to carry it home, but actually it wasn't that heavy and I was totally spurred on by the label on the side that read 'To be opened on February 17th'...my birthday! :)
I went out with two newish girlfriends for an amazing chinese meal last night. The food was very yummy and I feel very lucky to have met both of these friends who are so interesting, smart, caring and generous. I also love that although we have a lot in common, we also have some very different interests and can learn a lot of new things from each another. So, yeah, yummy food with friends...always a good thing.
Do you think it's possible that I can think of enough bullets to keep typing endlessly until Mr Cupcake finally gets home (probably not til 9pm)???!! It's just that I want to wait to have dinner with him and I don't want to snack a lot before that, but I'M STARVING and need to distract myself!
Of course, having written that, I can't think of another damn bullet and am fixating on what I can eat. Right, off to raid the cupboard...

Jittery...

2007-02-07T15:57:00.000Z

I'm feeling all nervous and jittery today. Tomorrow, I'm going to Trendy Seaside City University to meet with some faculty members who teach the postgraduate course in psychotherapy/counselling that I'm hoping to begin in October and I'm so! incredibly! nervous! about it. It's just an informal meeting for me to find out more and to ask questions, but, of course, I want to make a good impression before I send my finalized application in during the next couple of weeks. I've read lots and done plenty of preparation, so I think I've got some useful questions to ask etc. Plus, they've already told me that my academic qualifications are more than adequate for admission to the course. But, I'm still so nervous it's silly.

I think partly it's because I'm really excited about training in this area, and partly because all the previous times I've been involved in recruitment stuff (either as a prospective or current student) it's been in a law department. I studied law for over 7 years in two different universities, and although I'm so glad to finally move away from it, it feels very odd (but good odd) to be starting afresh in a completely different field. Although I've wanted to do this for sometime now, and think that I could be very good at it, I feel just as anxious and full of anticipation as I did the first time I went to my undergrad uni to visit the law department. I haven't really thought about that day since then, but today the memories of it are as vivid as if it had been yesterday. I felt very small in a very big place, and very scared of doing or saying the wrong thing. Of course, I'm eight years older now and generally have much more self-confidence, so I wonder why I'm so nervous of sounding silly, so nervous of spilling coffee down myself or of dropping something (and then hitting my head on a desk when I bend down to get it!)? I think it's because tomorrow is important to me. It might not be that important to the faculty members that meet me, it might not even influence their opinion of me very much, it might not even seem important to me a month from now... but it's a big step towards closing the door on my legal studies and the tentative beginnings of my move towards a new career. So, please keep everything crossed for me tomorrow...

There is such a thing as a free lunch...

2007-02-05T12:57:00.000Z

...or, in this case, dinner. My gym is offering rewards for regular attendance in February. 8 workouts gets you a free personal training session, 16 gets you a selection of fitness goodies, and those who manage to go 24 days out of 28 get a free dinner for two. I usually go 4 or 5 times each week, so would have no trouble reaching the sixteen visits target, but I can't understand why I've suddenly become obsessed with going 24 times and claiming my free meal! I mean, I'm sure the meal will be very nice, as it's at a restaurant attached to the fancy hotel that my gym is in, but it's not as though it's a restaurant that I've been desperate to go to, and it's not like Mr Cupcake and I couldn't afford to go out to dinner once in a while if we wanted to.

I'm sure my obsession has nothing to do with the free dinner and everything to do with the challenge. I don't think the gym expects many people to have the motivation (read: pathetic need to prove they can do it!) to go 24 times in a 28 day month, but, for some bizarre reason, I do! I'm not concerned about burning myself out, as I can do some shorter sessions, alternate the type of workout I do, and can also go swimming sometimes. So, we'll see how it goes...will I be settling for the 16 visits prize before the end of the week!? :)

Seasons...

2007-02-02T21:37:00.000Z

I've been gone so long that I didn't get to blog about either the autumn sunsets or the (very! exciting! rare!) winter snow in Trendy Seaside City.These photos definitely sum up why I really can't imagine living anywhere else...

The top photo is the sun setting over the sea at the bottom of our square. The middle photo is the remains of a once grand Victorian pier, which, even in its present state, I still find incredibly beautiful and mesmerizing. I love the way that it looks very different depending on the light in the sky and on the sea. The final photo shows the gardens in our square in the snow, with our house in the background between the two big trees. We live on the second (third in US) floor. (Yes, I realize that to most of you this small amount wouldn't really qualify as snow, but we almost never get snow just a few metres from the sea in the Southern England, so I was more than a little excited!)

On a separate note, thank you so much for all the lovely comments that you left yesterday - I was so touched that you all stopped by and gave me such a warm welcome back. You truly are the best, and I'll be stopping by all your blogs very, very soon. :)

Random Bullets Of What On Earth Has Pink Cupcake Been Doing These Past Six Months!

2007-02-01T09:30:00.000Z

Oooh, it's exciting to be back! I sort of feel as though my first post after six months should be a blogging magnum opus. There's so much I want to share with you all and I'd love to do so eloquently, but if I fret too much about what to write and how I want to write it, I'll probably end up on hiatus for another month. So, in time-honoured tradition, I will revert to the wonderful RBOC format (we have so much to thank Ianqui for!). Here goes...

I guess the biggest thing should come first...I decided to leave my PhD programme.
It was one of the hardest decisions that I've ever made, because I never give up at anything.
It took me months to actually even admit to myself that I wanted to leave, even though I'd decided a year or two ago that I absolutely didn't want to work in law (either in academia or in practice) after I finished my PhD.
I figured that I'd finish my dissertation anyway, but after taking so much time off through being unwell, I just couldn't face it anymore. The whole thing just had too much baggage associated with it.
The final straw came when I began to wake up with stomach ache every single morning, dreading the thought of sitting at my desk.
So, I eventually plucked up the courage to tell my supervisor 3 weeks ago. He was awesome, understanding and so complimentary of my talents.
That actually made me feel more guilty, but in a nice way.
As soon as I'd made and communicated my decision, I instantly felt calmer and began looking forward to the future for the first time in years. I didn't expect that.
It's very weird though to not be studying law for the first time in 7 and a half years.
Surprisingly, I haven't doubted my decision at all, which is very rare for me.
I also haven't told very many people yet. Of course, some of the very first people I shared my news with were a bunch of wonderful bloggers (you know who you are!) and I valued their support and friendship enormously.
So, umm, I'm not an academic who blogs anymore, but I hope you'll all still let me hang out in this little corner of the blogosphere?! :)
Actually, that's not quite true...Within three days of leaving grad school, I'd already decided that I wanted to go back to grad school to study something else!
I'm not going to be doing a PhD though. I'm going to follow a professional postgrad training and Masters programme to qualify as a psychotherapist/counsellor.
I've wanted to do this for years. Not sure quite why I didn't admit this to myself long ago.
I'm also pleased that one of the best programmes in the country is based at a university in the city I live in.
Of course, it's not as prestigious an institution as my previous grad school, but I really don't care. I don't want to travel hours to get to my university anymore. Ten minutes on a bus is good with me!
Also, the programme is part-time, so I can do some other work alongside...I'm in the process of deciding what I want to do.
Lucy was right when she said the other day that random bullets usually end up not-so-random. Have I mentioned anything other than grad school yet? Am I just using this format to avoid having to write in paragraphs? I'd better change topics!
My Mystery Illness has all but disappeared! I still get occasional twinges of pain, but they are very, very infrequent and are improving all the time.
This has allowed me to get active again. It's scary to think that this time last year I couldn't even sit up straight in a chair for more than an hour and couldn't walk for more than ten minutes.
Now I work out 5-6 times a week and I've actually become one of those people that really likes exercise. ;)
The upside of being really active and no longer stuffing myself full of medication is that I've lost 70 pounds. I hated that I put on so much weight over the past two or three years when I was depressed and then when I had the Mystery Illness. Now I feel wonderful!
Of course, the downside is that I have absolutely nothing to wear!
I lost all the weight simply through healthy eating and exercise and by going to a diet and fitness class each week.
I'm now the official class motivator!!!
I'm also going to train to be an aerobics instructor.
I've haven't run in any kind of event since school, but I've entered for a whole bunch of 5K and 10K races this year.
In less active news, I took a course in meditation and mindfulness. I was quite uncertain and a little sceptical about how useful I'd find it, but it was amazing. It's really influenced the way I think and the way I react to different situations.
I definitely want to write longer posts about a lot of the things I'm mentioning here.
What else has been going on? Mr Cupcake and I have been to tons of concerts (classical, rock, pop) and I've decided that I would gladly give up everything to join the Scissor Sisters.
We've also made quite a few new friends. Actually, I've found it a little odd that we've made more friends since we moved to this city than we ever did living in a small (supposedly community-oriented) village.
People in this city are very eccentric. I like that!
I had some bright red streaks put in my blonde hair just before Christmas. Not very wild, I realize, but pretty wild for me. All my gym going and consequent hair washing meant that they faded pretty soon, but it was fun while it lasted.
I've become very involved in a lot of civic and community groups and projects. When I'm old and wrinkly I hope to be made Dame Pink Cupcake for my services to the city! ;)
Well, I would, except for the fact that I disagree with the whole honours system in the UK, but that's another story...
When I decided to start blogging again, I considered making some changes to the blog name, template, my pseudonym...but I just couldn't bring myself to ditch Pink Cupcake!
I'd never really been a pink, girly girl, but somehow my pseudonym must have really affected me. It's frightening to see how many pink things I've bought over the past year or so. I have really embraced pink! Not least in my lovely! shiny! new! pink! ipod! nano!
I may or may not stop with the pink obsession before I become the new Elle Woods. :)
I'm also about to make a pilgrimage to my blog title...Yes, I'm going to Florence in 11 days!
The purpose of the visit isn't solely to retrace the footsteps of Lucy, Miss Bartlett et al. but to celebrate a very auspicious occasion...
My 30th Birthday on 17th February.
I don't actually mind reaching 30. I'm happier and healthier than I've been in years, and as Mr Cupcake's three years older than me, I've had time to mentally prepare myself.
Plus, did I mention that I get to spend my birthday and Valentine's Day in Florence!!??! Soooo excited!
I've got a bit of bloggy housekeeping to catch up with. My blogroll is woefully out of date (I've been updating bloglines but not here), so please bear with me while I sort it out.
I'm also debating whether to take the Blogger beta (or whatever it's now called) plunge! I'll have to consult with my Wonderful Template Advisor.
It's so lovely to be back. I've loved reading all your blogs, but it just wasn't quite the same when I wasn't posting myself and didn't feel like commenting. I'll definitely stick around this time...

Hiatus

2006-08-17T16:23:00.000+01:00

As I've only posted three times in the last two months, I feel a bit silly writing a post to say that I'm going to take a hiatus from blogging. But I'm doing it because this time I've made a positive decision to take a break, rather than just thinking that I should post and then not doing so, (which has been the case for quite some time now). I seriously considered stopping altogether, but was quite surprised at how strongly I found myself not wanting to do that. Even though I haven't blogged properly in many months, I still see a small part of my identity as being someone who blogs.

I thought about why I haven't been posting and why I don't want to start again right now. It isn't because I'm fed up with blogging. I enjoy writing posts, reading others' blogs and commenting, and, even more, I love feeling part of the community that exists in this corner of the blogosphere. It's simply that I just don't have the energy at the moment. I realize how lame that sounds. I know there are people who are far, far busier than I am and who blog prolifically. I also know that in the past I could have found time to blog even if I were 5 times as busy as I am now. It's just not the way things are for me right now.

After three very difficult years (first with depression, then physical illness), I'm beginning to piece my life back together. It's going well. I'm slowly catching up with friends who have been neglected for far too long, I'm exercising regularly, I'm eating healthily, I'm (slowly!) making progress with my research, and am beginning to cross off tasks that have been sitting around on 'to do lists' for far too long. I really am getting there, but it's gradual. I'm trying (and this is very hard for me) not to overextend myself until I feel that I'm on top of things again. This may just take a few weeks, or perhaps a few months, I don't know. I need to regain my confidence in my abilities. I also need to make sure that I keep getting better physically. Once I am feeling more in control, Pink Cupcake will most definitely be back! I just didn't want to grow to hate blogging because it was one more thing that I felt guilty about or didn't have the energy to do.

In the meantime, I'll still be logging onto bloglines each day to avidly read your blogs. If I don't comment much (as I haven't done recently), please don't think I'm being rude or disinterested. That's not the case at all...

See you on the flipside. :)

Remembering What It's All About

2006-07-26T18:26:00.000+01:00

I'm just updating the annotated bibliography for my current chapter and noticed that I didn't have a full reference for one particular article. I googled the title and sure enough found what I needed. I also found something that I utterly didn't expect. The first google hit containing the reference was the author's page on his university department's website. Nothing unusual in that, except that along with the usual list of publications, contact details etc., the author wrote a paragraph about his inspiration for his research (which has spanned a long and very successful career). I haven't seen any academics do this before (certainly not in Law), but that wasn't why it affected me. It was the inspiration itself.

The creation of the field of law (and indeed the legal system) that I research came about as a direct response to one of the most tragic periods in 20th Century European (and World) History. Every student who takes just one basic undergraduate class in this field knows that. It's explained on the first few pages of virtually every introductory textbook. Having studied this particular field for 6 years, you'd think that I wouldn't be at all surprised by discussion of its historical roots. Normally I wouldn't be, but this seemingly innocuous website entry really hit me. This academic drew his inspiration from the deeply personal way in which his family was affected by these historical events.

My personal connections to this history are nowhere near as strong or vivid, but this academic did make me remember why I really do what I do. He made me recall the beliefs and ideals that brought me into this field of law. They still hold true to me now, just as much as they did when I first chose this area of specialization. What we do does matter. I often find it hard to see that when I'm struggling for days (or weeks or months...) on end with detailed legal provisions or sections of judgments. It's certainly not often that I have to think about why this field of law came about. But I should. It's both deeply humbling and motivating.

And to think that all of this came from one simple google search to check a reference...

Disappearing Acts...

2006-07-14T09:23:00.000+01:00

Yes, I'm a bad, bad blogger. I appeared from nowhere to tell you that I was BACK, but then disappeared back to the deep, murky depths of the Internets, yet again. I really don't deserve to have any readers left, so am deeply grateful to those who have left comments and emailed to check in on me. Thanks guys, you truly are the best.

I'm doing okay, but I'm struggling to get my life back on track. For two and a half years, things seemed to be gradually falling apart more and more. First, with the depression I suffered in 2004 and early 2005. Then, no sooner than I was feeling much better mentally, the mystery physical illness struck, and that has taken over 13 months of tests and doctors to make any progress with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to be finally making some progress with that, and I really do feel so very happy and fortunate about so many things in my life, but I'm also overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the feeling of getting properly back to work on my research for the first time in two and a half years. Overwhelmed by the fact that the illness has taken its toll on my body and I desperately need to get into shape. Overwhelmed by the fact I haven't been much support to my friends this past year or so, and have drifted out of contact with too many people, despite their best efforts otherwise. Overwhelmed by the amazing fact that I finally feel like I'm living again, not just existing and scrabbling along from week to week.

I'm slowly but steadily trying to get to grips with all of this, and that in itself is a little overwhelming, as I'm trying to negotiate the fine line between being as productive as I can and yet not burning myself out. I'm not used to this feeling. I'm used to being able to work huge long stretches and then still having energy left for other things, but, for now at least, I have to change my ways and accept that my body needs time to get better. I need to be kind to myself. Some things have to slip, and I'm afraid that blogging has for the past few weeks.

It's also going to slip again for another week or so, as I'm going away this evening and won't have any internet access. We're going to the New Forest to just spend time relaxing, reading books and soaking up the beautiful scenery. I'm so looking forward to getting away. Neither my husband or I have really had a proper break in more than a year, and it'll be so lovely be completely away from everything, except the ponies, birds, squirrels and trees, of course.

Hope you are all having wonderful summers...

Back In The Land of The Blog

2006-06-21T13:45:00.000+01:00

Phew! It's very good to finally be back. Posts of substance will follow shortly, but in the meantime I'll ease myself back in with some ever-dependable Random Bullets of Crap:

First and foremost, MASSIVE thanks to the lovely Clare for keeping the blog afloat in my absence. Not only is she a guest blogger extraordinare, she's also a wonderful friend.
Notwithstanding this, Clare did spread some scurrilous rumours in my absence. These will have to be dispelled! ;)
Just to confuse you all, for the next few weeks I'll be blogging both here and over at Ink and Incapability. Clare's got a few things going on, so she asked me to co-blog, and I'm delighted to have the opportunity to return the favour (read: spread equally scurrilous rumours about her!). So head on over to read my musings about Summertime in England and all the other stuff that we'll be blogging about, including...
The 18th Carnival of Feminists which Clare will be hosting on 5th July.
Thanks to everyone who sent their good wishes whilst I was away, I really appreciated your comments and emails enormously. Obsessive blog reading also helped to keep me sane. So if your site meter showed someone in the South of England clicking on your blog about 100 times in a day, it probably meant that I was about to go for a scan or an appointment with a doctor!
On that note, after 12 months, 6 scans, 4 X-Rays, 1 ECG, 4 consultants, 2 general practioners, countless appointments and more test tubes of blood than I'd care to recall, I'm very pleased to say that although I still don't know exactly what's wrong with me, it's been narrowed down to several things that will hopefully either disappear in time or be fairly easily treated. As I've been generally feeling quite a bit better these past few months, my Rheumatologist is giving me a vacation from all things medical to see if I keep improving. If not, then he's going to run a few more detailed blood tests in September, to try to narrow things down.
I'm massively relieved as I'd been getting so fraught, worried and downright sick of it all. I got to the point where the stress made me feel physically sick for days before going to an appointment or test, and then just as bad in the days after. I couldn't even telephone my doctor's receptionist without getting into a huge state. That's just not like me. I began to feel as though I wasn't living in the real world and I just couldn't see an end to it all. That's why I stopped blogging for a while.
I'm now left feeling incredibly exhausted and disoriented. But in a good way that's oddly settling. I'm just starting to get my head around all the other aspects of my life (like dissertation writing!) that have been on the back burner for so long, but I do feel a bit like a little animal blinking its way out of hibernation. So far my only progress on the dissertation front has been list making and placing an Amazon order for Moleskine notebooks. But, it's a start, right? And, a girl can't be without good stationery. :)

Countdown

2006-06-11T00:21:00.000+01:00

Pinky is damn close to her 20 000th page load! I don't know when it will be, but it should be over the next fews days I should think. I won't be able to tell who it is by her stat counter cos it's different to mine, but I'll tell her to keep an eye out and she'll let me know!

Updated: She did it! At 11.07 this morning she got her 20 000. I have no idea who it is mind....

Random Bullets of Ingerland

2006-06-10T23:47:00.000+01:00

'Cake and I, being the good Britsh folk that we are, are taking a healthy interest in the World Cup (big fat lie, I couldn't care less, and I don't know about her, it's impossible to guess. If it doesn't interfere with her darts then perhaps she is).

But really. Here, it is Unavoidable. You sit down to watch your favourite soap, and no, it was on half an hour ago. Fucking with the schedules, man, no. Wrong.
What has amused me though is the Sun's guide to permissable behaviour in Germany. Eg. Singing "Two world wars and one world cup" (Two-world-wars-and one-world-cup! Doo dah! Doo dah!") is Wrong (and was incidently the song of choice during the Pope's address in my local). Chanting "Ingerland" is quite alright. Actually, have a read yourself.
Apparently, it is also quite alright to drink cans of lager on the bus and sing Vindaloo at half seven in the evening (mind you, that's up here, it's probably white wine spritzers and Elgar down where she is).
It is also fine for the whole of the North to wear ill fitting football strips that frankly flatter no one.
It is also fine to walk around with a face like a smacked arse painted as an English flag (and confusing football fever with Christmas and accidently dressing up as santa as these chaps did a few years back).
The whole country's gone to the bloody dogs.

No surprises here

2006-06-06T12:26:00.000+01:00

Actually, when I did this quiz I did answer what I genuinely thought wor lass would put. And I'm sorry, Pinky.

So Just How Northern Are You?

You're a Brummie

Niether here nor there. Not really accepted in the North or the South. Lets be honest, you kind of fail at life.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

She knows I love her!

(Oh, and yes, I've done my quiz on my blog, and there are no surprises. I was saddened by my stereotype...)

Prove me right!

2006-06-05T23:14:00.000+01:00

Because Pinky has more British readers than I do (I think), I thought I'd ask this question here rather than my own blog (plus, am painfully aware that I am THE WORST guest blogger EVA). Here's the story:

So Devon, my friend, reckons Milton Keynes is dead famous for .................. (fill in the blank/s).

If Milton Keynes is so fucking famous for this ......... then you all will know straight away and leave a comment telling me, thus proving DEVON right. But I know you won't have a clue and will leave no comment, thus proving ME right (do it, or Pink Cupcake gets it).

Sk8r Boi

2006-05-28T23:13:00.000+01:00

Wor 'Cake is a TOP bird, but you know, I don't think she suffers fools gladly. I would therefore argue that wor lass doesn't like stupid little skater children. And I certainly don't, so that's quite handy.

In fact, you know what I hate more than stupid little skater children? Skater teenagers. Worse still, skater young adults. I was in the pub yesterday and fucking 8 of them came trooping in with their hoodies and Nirvana tops and their ugly little boards. ALL of them got served, even though they were ID'd. ALL of them sat looking annoying and dark with their hoods still up, feet on their boards with their pints of Fosters. 18 years old at least! FOOLS! FOOLS, I say!

Always funny when they fall off though...

Big Brother Blogging

2006-05-25T15:07:00.000+01:00

Pinky and I are loving Big Brother this summer. Granted, it's been on all of a week, but so far so damn good.
As usual, we've got a fair amount of freaks and geeks. But my God, the numbers are already dwindling. We've had Shabaz placed on suicide watch before leaving, and now I discover that Dawn has been kicked out for sending secret messages! America, can you beat that?!

So, favourites. Well, Pinky's favourite is Richard, the gay Canadian who describes himself as a "sexual terrorist". I meanwhile cannot decide between Nikki and Lisa....

Memes

2006-05-24T23:29:00.000+01:00

EVERYBODY has done the guilty pleasures meme (~~think Luckybuzz started it?~~ Lisa DID start it!). Don't want Wor Lass to be left out, but by God don't think I can do it for her. Will give it a go though! (And you are welcome to try and fill in the blanks!)

Four Guilty Pleasures in Books/Reading:
1. Heat
2. Harpers & Queen (but would she feel guilty?)
3. Romance (bet she's read romance, she will have done...)
4. [blank]

Four Guilty Pleasures in Movies:
1. I
2. Dread
3. To
4. Think

Four Guilty Pleasures in Food: (Get in her frame of mind.... she loves darts...)
1. Bacon
2. Hamburgers
3. Chocolate
4. Lard

Four Guilty Pleasures in Music:
1. Papa Roach (she wants to feel guilty for that, whether she does or not)
2. Happy Hardcore (would not be surprised with that lass)
3. [blank]
4. [blank]

Four Guilty Pleasures in TV:
1. Big Brother
2. Some sort of soap.... I'll go with Coronation Street
3. Eastenders too...
4. [blank]

Four Guilty Pleasures in Booze:
1. John Smiths!
2. [blank]
3. [blank]
4. [blank]

And, while I'm here, here is something I am sure of (as seen at Devil's Kitchen)!

Which country should you REALLY be living in?

The United Kingdom

You have pride in yourself and pride in your country. You believe that history and culture is an important factor to the future of your country, and that traditions and values should be upheld. You love your scones and tea, and reading soppy romance novels. The UK is where you should be...

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Mine and Pinky's favourite subject

2006-05-22T17:13:00.000+01:00

Max 12 °C, Min 4 °C where I am....

...Max 14 °C, Min 6 °C where Pinky is.

Ah, yes, me and Wor Pinky do like a little bit of weather talk. And by Christ it's been freezing here, 4 degrees my arse. Cannot believe it's nearly June, simply can.not. Thing is though, British weather is a touch bizarre. And the difference between North and South is ridiculous (granted, 2 degrees is not so ridiculous, I had hoped to show more of a contrast, but there it is). Been times where there's a heat wave down there and snow up here, or days where there's been sleet and freezing fog up here and sun down there... It is worthy of comment. And you can guarantee that somewhere in each of our emails there will be a comment...

What Brady is Pink Cupcake?

2006-05-21T10:10:00.000+01:00

Literally all the cool kids have done this except Pinky, and I didn't want her to be left out. So here is what I think she would have got.

You Are Marcia Brady

Confident yet kind. Popular yet down to earth. You're a total dream girl.

You've got the total package - no wonder everyone's a little jealous of you.

What Brady Are You?

The Real Pink Cupcake

2006-05-20T22:15:00.000+01:00

Guest blogging is quite daunting, I will not lie. One is worried about alienating the readership of one's dear friend, and one certainly doesn't want to lower the tone of a blog as posh as this. Guest blogging was to be done with the utmost care, I thought. Until I remembered...

Aye. Wor 'Cake (and I will never let her forget this) once left what can only be described as a string of the crudest profanities in a comment on my blog concerning Dick and Dom. (Dick and Dom, my American friends, is a children's television programme on the BBC that was fairly recently criticised for it's lack of concern for even most the most basic rules of grammar.) My attention was drawn to this fact by the rather large percentage of hits from googling "dick and dom in tha bungalow" (this was before I deleted then retrieved my blog, you can't do it anymore I don't think). Countless young minds warped I would imagine. Not so angelic, eh 'Cake?

What else? The lass loves her darts. You know, sweaty fat men dripping with gold? Aye, she loves them. I think she likes snooker too, or perhaps it's cricket... Oh, she's a sod for trashy celebrity gossip mags too (though unlike normal people she appears to feel guilty about it). Aye, not such a posh blog, this. You want to see the real Pink Cupcake? Click here!

So yes, that's why she has so happily let her jaded northern friend look after her blog for a wee while I should think. God, I hope I don't break it...

Updated: Well, didn't find the original post, but found a post concerning her profanities (please just ignore my comments to Prof. Bastard).

Just to let you all know...

2006-05-18T11:04:00.000+01:00

Hey people, it's Clare here, blogging on behalf of everyone's favourite English Rose. She's having a wee break from blogging at the mo while she sorts out some medical stuff, you know she hates blogging about illness.

She will be back soon, and until then let's send plenty of positive thoughts and cyber hugs!

Far too angelic?!

2006-05-11T23:03:00.000+01:00

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 20%

Gluttony: 20%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Lust: 0%

Sloth: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die in a duel.

How Sinful Are You?

As seen in lots of other wonderful places. Only problem is, most of my favourite bloggers seem to be going to a different place! Help me come down with you, won't you?!! ;)

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

2006-05-10T15:00:00.000+01:00

I think Badger pioneered the Good, Bad and Ugly post, and I thought it'd make a nice change from Random Bullets of Crap, so here goes...

The Good

Where I live... Actually, this should really be The Awesome, not just The Good. Yes, I know I bore on about it quite a bit, but it really hit home last Thursday, when we had the best weather of the year so far. Oh. My. Word. I only had to walk less than a minute from my door to stroll along the beach and sit in a beachside cafe sipping coffee. Simply wonderful. Of course, some would say that such a holiday atmosphere isn't exactly conducive to dissertation writing, but I'm fantasizing about ways of working at the beach. Yes, maybe the sun has gone to my head!
Again, where I live...Actually this wasn't going to be my next point, but Mr Cupcake's sitting next to me reading a review of a local cafe. The cafe serves 30 different flavours of hot chocolate! I mean, what's not to love about a city with such a cafe???!!
Also, where I live (noticing a theme yet??)...I will never tire of visiting this place, especially when I can do so after a sunny Sunday stroll along the seafront, and a wonderful lunch sitting outside an local Italian restaurant with Mr Cupcake. The building's exterior is breathtaking, but pales in comparison to the interior. There is just nowhere else quite like it. If you're ever in the South of England, you should totally take the time out to visit it and some of the other delights of Trendy Seaside City* (which is less than an hour from London).
And, yes, where I live (I promise, this'll be the last one for now)...Trendy Seasisde City holds an amazing arts/music/literature festival every May. In fact, outside of the Edinburgh Festival, it's the largest in the UK. On Saturday evening, we went to a reading/discussion with Irvine Welsh and Chuck Palahniuk, which was surreal, intelligent, thought-provoking, troubling, vomit-inducing and side-splittingly funny, all at the same time. (I'm actually going to write a whole post about it as it was so fascinating and impossible to summarize quickly.) We've also got a pretty hectic week coming up with two classical concerts, a theatrical adaptation of Paradise Lost, a firework and light display, and a discussion event with Richard E. Grant. We'll definitely be in a state of culture overload by the end of the month...
My internet support group. As some of you may know, a while ago the wonderful Shrinky asked whether any fellow grad student bloggers might want to start a virtual support group, so that we could help each other meet our academic goals and maybe even finish our PhDs some day! Several of us joined in, and I have to say that I cannot believe how helpful it has been so far. I'd never really imagined that it would be possible to feel so supported and motivated by people I've never met in real life, and how useful we can be to each other, despite our varied academic disciplines. Anyway, you all know who you are, and you rock!
Oh, yeah, my Gilmore Girls 4th Season DVDs arrived yesterday. Hoooooray! :)

The Bad

I'm having a couple of medical issues again. Most likely nothing particularly serious, just frustrating, especially as I've been feeling a lot better this past month or so. I don't think it would bother me so much were it not for all of the medical stuff I've been through in the past twelve months. I'm just at the end of my tether with it all and don't want to have to think about it any longer. I can't believe how stressed out I've been getting about arranging simple appointments and going for tests recently. It's not as if I haven't been through far worse, but I think it's just that I'm worn out by it all. I need to see a light at the end of the tunnel with all of this, and whenever it looks as though I'm about to, there's some kind of setback. I'm seeing my consultant again tomorrow, so hopefully we can make some headway then...
Even more than the medical issues themselves, I dislike the effect that they have on me mentally. For the past month or two, as a result of feeling much better physically, I've been so much more productive and upbeat about everything. I've begun to get into my research again, and I've been trying to get out and about a lot more. Yet, although I don't actually feel less well physically, I'm now really battling with myself to not get down. I don't like myself when I am, but it's so hard to fight it right now.
I also hate the fact that when I'm down I tend to just hide away, even from my blog. This is why I haven't blogged much lately, which is of course my prerogative, but it's not what I want. I want to keep writing, even if it's just a fairly meaningless, waffly post. The continuity is very important to me, so is the community. So, I'm setting myself the goal of posting daily.

The Ugly

My new haircut. Actually, it's not seriously ugly now, although it was when I left the hairdressers last Friday. I haven't had a fringe since I was 11, and have no idea quite why I let my hairdresser cut one in last week. I think it was a combination of hairspray fumes and the way she persuaded me that my hair could look so much better with one. It was that kind of brainwashing persuasion that hairdressers seem to be so skilled at. I didn't (and still don't) believe her, but I was having a low self esteem day, and managed to convince myself that a fringe would be the answer to all my troubles. Clearly, it wasn't. It isn't a very heavy fringe, so I've managed to sweep it off to the sides and when it grows a bit more, it'll be possible to tuck it completely away. The main problem is that I have to painstakingly blow-dry and straighten it every single morning to stop it looking like the sperm scene in There's Something About Mary. Not good and way too time consuming. (And, no, I'm not going to photoblog it!!)
On the subject of photoblogging, I've lost count of the amount of times in recent weeks that I've berated myself for failing to take the digital camera out with me. So, I'll add to my resolution of daily blogging, a resolution to get some photos up on the blog again soon.
My feet after a winter stuck in shoes and boots! I totally need a pedicure before I let them loose on sandals too often! My quick nailpolish job isn't masking their pale ickiness too well right now. ;)

* I realize that quite a few of the details in this post make it fairly easy to identify Trendy Seaside City. I've decided that I'm not too bothered about that, as I'd like to be able to talk about where I live and the things that go on here. However, I'd rather not mention the city by name, so it's not too easily googleable. So, if you know where it is, that's just fine, but I'd rather you didn't mention the name in comments. Thanks.

Doing what I'm told...

2006-05-03T14:19:00.000+01:00

Clare tagged me for this, so I'd better get on with it...

I am chomping my way through a massive salad (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, radishes, beetroot, olives, pepper, chives, spring onions, mushrooms and tuna). I love salad, but it takes so long to chop up and even longer to eat. Having said that, salad making and eating has to be one of the only guilt-free forms of procrastination, as it's so healthy and you've gotta eat, right?

I want masses of inspiration for the chapter that I am just starting work on. A writing fairy would be good, also.

I wish I lived a lot nearer to my closest friends.

I hate peanut butter. Just don't get why most people don't. Ick.

I love Mr Cupcake, and I'm really proud of him right now as he got completely brilliant results in his most recent lawyerly exams.

I miss my Dad. He died 15 years ago last Sunday. It's very strange to think that he's been gone for more than half of my life now.

I hear men digging up the road outside and many seagulls. It's a lovely day, so the windows are wide open.

I wonder whether I'll ever get my PhD...

I regret not writing 'the one and only' as the answer to the first question on this meme. Says something about my age and sometimes appalling taste in music that I can't get that damn Chesney Hawks lyric out of my head. ;) Gah!

I am not a good cook. In fact, I'm pretty darn awful. I pretend that I don't cook because I don't want to accept the social stereotype of a wife cooking her husband's meals, but that's rubbish. If I could, I would, I'm just crap.

I dance badly but enthusiastically. You should see the video of my wedding reception. ;)

I sing too rarely, but much better than I dance. I was once classically trained and a choral scholar, but now the shower is my only audience...

I cry, but never in front of anyone except my husband.

I am not always as selfless as I'd like to be.

I make with my hands Wouldn't anything I write after this be grammatically incorrect?!

I write many blog posts in my head as I'm doing other things. I need to make sure more of them make it to the screen.

I confuse myself, quite often.

I need to finish eating this frickin' salad and start work on my chapter.

I want to sit outside in a pavement cafe sipping dry white wine and nibbling ciabatta and olives with Mr Cupcake. I can dream... (Oops...just realized I want isn't actually in the meme at this point, and that I've already done it above.)

I should go over to Phantom's to whine. It is Wednesday after all.

I start every day with a mug of coffee and a shower.

I finish most things that I put my mind to...eventually.

I'm not tagging anyone as I think most people have done this, but if you haven't done so already, consider yourself tagged...

Weekend break...

2006-04-28T14:50:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure quite where this week's gone to. Lots to blog about, but no time to blog. :( Anyway, this non-post is just to say that I won't be around over the weekend, but will be back on Tuesday. Mr Cupcake's parents are coming to stay. In fact, they are due to arrive any moment now, so I've been frantically running around for the past couple of days trying to make the flat look habitable! I'm not sure if I've succeeded. My mother-in-law is a domestic goddess. I am most definitely not, but hopefully I can fake it for three days.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

ABC Meme...

2006-04-24T19:56:00.000+01:00

As seen almost everywhere...I'm doing this meme because although I have tons of real posts I want to write, I can't quite get my head together today...

Accent: Very, very English. Not as proper as the Royal Family (thankfully), but I could definitely hold my own in a Merchant Ivory film or as a newsreader on the BBC World Service.

Booze: Red or white wine depending on my mood and time of year. If it’s white, I like it very dry, and if it’s red, it has to be deep and full-bodied. Oh, and I love champagne too…and gin…and Pimms…and cocktails. Hmmm…I’d better stop before you get the wrong impression of me! ;) I rarely drink too much, I just enjoy a wide variety of drinks.

Chore I Hate: I dislike all cleaning chores, although I love living in a clean house. When I finally get motivated enough to do something (or when panic sets in because of the impending arrival or guests), I’m a total perfectionist about it, which means that it takes forever and I end up very grumpy.

Dog or Cat: I like dogs, but I adore cats. We’re going to be getting one or two kittens very soon.

Essential Electronics: Laptop.

Favorite Cologne(s): If by cologne, you mean perfume…I don’t like heavy smells (although I was really into that kind of stuff in the early 90s) and don’t always wear perfume. When I do it’s usually Clarins’ Eau Ressourcante, which is about as light and fresh as a perfume could get.

Gold or Silver: I don’t really wear a lot of either. My wedding and engagement rings are gold, but my earrings are mostly silver.

Hometown: Sleepy Boring Seaside Town. The sort of place that nobody under 80 should live and even discerning octagenarians avoid it. Fortunately, I escaped!

Insomnia: Sometimes, very badly, Sometimes, not at all.

Job Title: Graduate student.

Kids: No, and we don’t have plans to have any. It’s not something that either of us has ever wanted, and I’m feeling even more strongly about this as I get older (despite being told by many friends and relatives that the opposite would be true).

Living arrangements: As if any of you who’ve read this blog for a while don’t know! Of course, I live in my Dream Flat in Trendy Seaside City.

Most admirable trait: I like to think that I’m kind and thoughtful. I always try to think of others and do (even just little) things to help them out and make life a little easier.

Number of sexual partners: Not exactly something I’m willing to share with the internets…

Overnight hospital stays: Two. I had my adenoids removed when I was 7 and my tonsils removed when I was 25.

Phobias: Spiders and butterflies.

Quote: Oh, I can’t choose. I love quotes from plays, books, poems, songs, politicians…any really. The one that springs to mind right now is ‘Dreams, they complicate my life’, as I was listening to REM’s Green earlier this afternoon. (I love the way that while Michael Stipe sings this line, Mike Mills sings ‘Dreams, they complement my life’.)

Religion: None. But I do think about why this is the case quite often.

Siblings: None. But I always wanted a big brother.

Time I wake up: It really varies. I’ve never really got into a pattern, unless a particular schedule has dictated it. I never get up hugely late though, unless I’m unwell, as I hate the idea of missing out on the day. If I had the energy, I’d love to be up by 5.30am every day.

Unusual talent or skill: I remember all kinds of numbers without trying. Bank accounts, credit cards, telephone numbers...you name it, I remember it. What a waste of my memory!

Vegetable I refuse to eat: None. I’m very good about eating vegetables and fruits, which I’m hoping will counteract the fact that I’m also very good at eating bad things. (My husband has just gone to collect a take-out pizza…)

Worst habit: Worrying and procrastination. It’s a tie.

X-rays: Teeth, left wrist (I fell off my roller skates when I was 9 and broke it), ankle (sprained it when I was 20), spine and chest (as part of the numerous tests I had earlier this year, neither x-ray showed anything).

Yummy foods I make: I’m a terrible cook, but I can make really good scones and banana bread.

Zodiac sign: Aquarius.

qjjflbijqpqlljizy

2006-04-21T15:30:00.000+01:00

Yes, I'm sorry, the time has come, I've finally had to turn on word verification in the comments. I have really tried to control the spam by just deleting it. In fact, for a while I didn't mind doing this as I was oddly amused each time I saw the 'Remove forever (It can't be undone)' tick box. I mean, do the people at Blogger really think that we need the bracketed explanation of what removal forever means?!! Anyway, this has now losts its charm and I've been getting more and more spam of late, so I'm afraid that it's all down to your eyesight and hand/eye coordination, dear commenters. :)

Coffee addict?! Moi?!

2006-04-20T10:51:00.000+01:00

My lovely new coffee maker just arrived, so I popped out to buy some beans from my local coffee shop. Does it say something about me that I also bought a take-out latte whilst there, so that, you know, I can have enough of a caffeine fix to get me through reading the instructions and getting the new machine going?!

Much to do...

2006-04-19T11:07:00.000+01:00

I was very productive yesterday, but only in terms of writing. I finally wrote something that I've been avoiding for way too long. I didn't enjoy doing it one bit, and editing it was even more painful. But it's done, done, done, and gone, gone, gone! Hooray! By the end, it was almost 2000 coherent words, which isn't too bad for a day's work.

Of course, I have to give you all credit for helping me get it done! When I don't want to do something, I can procrastinate as well as anyone (even the Queen of it!), and, of course, blogging is one of life's great procrastination tools. Not so yesterday. Blogging totally assisted rather than hindered my work. You see, when I really, really don't like doing something, I potter around the house finding enough things to distract myself with so that I don't have to return to my desk for hours on end. So I made a deal with myself, that if I stayed at the desk, I could read a blog post every time my writing dried up or I got fed up with it, and it actually worked!!! I did have one problem mid-morning, when I'd read all the stuff the had come onto my bloglines over night and then nobody posted for ages (because, of course, most of you were overseas and still asleep, and weren't thinking of my dire need for reading material! ;)), which led to frantic clicks on the refresh button. But it all came good in the end. So, don't let anyone tell you that blogging is a bad distraction.

Actually, I've been thinking a lot recently about what I've learned from blogging and fellow bloggers in so many different senses. Some funny, some useful, some serious, some educational, some heart-breaking, some thought-provoking...the list goes on. I've got the beginnings of a post about it, so really should put it together soon.

In the meantime, I've got a gazillion things on my to-do list. Here's just a few to start me off (will add as I go along)...

~~Washing-up.~~
Laundry (About 15 loads...the result of all our clothes being stuffed in cases in storage for two months while we moved. Everything is so creased it's unbelievable. I must get it done as the weather's changing and I'll have nothing to wear soon. *sigh*) Four loads so far...
~~Reply to some e-mails that have been sitting in my inbox for way too long and are making me feel guilty.~~
Write thank you letters for Easter gifts.
~~Pay some bills.~~
~~Tidy up (just a bit!).~~
Make list of everything I need to get done - too many bits of paper floating around! Still adding to it...
Book tickets for some fun events going on locally. Booked for some, still a few to arrange.
~~Go buy some coffee beans.~~ This is arriving tomorrow. My new baby! Halloweenlover and I will be almost coffee-maker twins, but I had to get the version with a grinder as they don't stock her exact model in the UK. Thanks for the advice, HL, I shall raise my mug to you! :)

Oh yeah, could someone please tell me how I can cross through lines on this list when I'm done with them? I've seen tons of others do it, but I've never been able to work it out myself. Thanks!

Updated to add: Whilst I didn't get all this done, I did quite a few things not actually on the list. Oh, and you should have seen my first attempts at striking out lines on this. I had stuff crossed out by mistake all over the place. Html and I are not friends!

Happy Easter, Passover, Spring...

2006-04-16T20:17:00.000+01:00

You Are a Chocolate Bunny

A traditionalist, you secretly want to dress up like a bunny. And not just on Easter.

What Easter Candy Are You?

Just stopping by...

2006-04-14T19:25:00.000+01:00

It's been a crazy busy week in the Pink Cupcake household, which is why posting's been light and will continue to be until Tuesday. Mr Cupcake took the week off work and we've been trying to get tons of things sorted out in the flat. Last Saturday, we made a 3 page long list of things to do and we've been plugging away at it ever since. We don't actually seem to have crossed a lot off the list, but I think that's because we've been tackling some of the bigger tasks first. We now only have a few more boxes left to unpack, and the living room and kitchen actually seem quite homely now. The bedroom is still a disaster area, but that's on the agenda for the rest of the weekend. Even if we don't get through all of the list before the weekend's out, at least we've got a clear idea of what we've got to do over the next few weeks, and that in itself helps to bring some order to the chaos.

It hasn't all been work though. I spent much of the earlier part of the week still trying to shake off the damn cold/cough thing that's been hanging around for way too long. I think it's been particulary hard to get over because my body just hasn't fully recovered yet from all the medical dramas of the last six months. My immune system needs a vacation.

On a jollier note, we've also spent some time trying to acclimatize ourselves to the wonderful city that is now our home. There is just so much going on here that I constantly feel like I'm missing out on something amazing. So, it's been nice to devote a few hours to do some preliminary research as to what goes on and when, and also to get a better sense of a least a small part of the city by wandering around. There's so much I want to write about all of this, partly so I can share with the blogosphere and partly as a way of getting my head around it, so I'm keeping an (ever growing) list of forthcoming posts. (I've also unpacked the digital camera now, so photoblogging should follow soon...)

In addition to all this frivolity, I really need to give some serious thought to my research over the next few days. I've got a few unpalatable tasks ahead, which I won't blog about right now, but which take up more of my thoughts than I'd like. Nevermind, once they are out of the way things will move forward one way or another, and that should be very freeing. (Sorry if this sounds a little cryptic.)

What else? I just watched the 4th Harry Potter movie (very good, I thought) and we made an amazing curry for supper (from one of Jamie Oliver's books, I'll post the recipe sometime as it's excellent for chicken, fish or vegetable curry). Oh, and the BEST THING EVER...our wireless internet connection finally works, so now I can blog from the bedroom, the sofa... anywhere. This will certainly help me to catch up with my backlog of blog reading next week!

Almost forgot, thanks so much for all your comments in relation to our book/CD (dis)organization dilemma. I'm pleased to report that positions have been reconsidered and compromises reached without UN involvement. I'll post a full update soon. :)

Indulgence...

2006-04-11T21:20:00.000+01:00

Whenever I'm in London, I try to pop into my favourite shop to visit its phenomenal chocolate counter. I love the way that they hand-pack your selected chocolates using all manner of tissue paper, ribbons, gold-lined boxes and pretty bags. I'm sure it makes the chocolates taste even better, not that they need any enhancing. Their dark chocolate mints are my favourite chocolates ever, and whilst they are a little extravagant, just one of them lifts my spirits more than ten whole bars of ordinary chocolate could. So, you can imagine my huge delight when I discovered last week (in one of the vast amount of free lifestyle magazines that Trendy Seaside City has) that the chocolates for the shop are in fact made in a very old chocolate shop just round the corner from our flat. I couldn't believe what I was reading, so (as any good lawyer would!) I went in search of proof.

Entering the shop was like entering another world. The dark wood panelling and glass display cases were almost as mesmerizing as the chocolates themselves. And, yes, I did indeed confirm that they make the chocolates. Of course, I couldn't possibly leave without just a small box of mints, that would have been rude, wouldn't it? But, just one taste has left me realizing how difficult it will be to walk past the shop several times a day without indulging a little more often that my budget and waistline will allow. I hope you feel suitably sympathetic for the struggles that I face... ;-)

Whooo-hooo!

2006-04-07T21:32:00.000+01:00

Out with the blue and in with the new! Welcome to my brand new, all singing, all dancing, bright and shiny template. I just love it, and I can say that without even a hint of arrogance, as I can't take any credit whatsoever for the wonderful new interior design. That's all down to my fellow English blogger, the fantastically talented Clare. My only input was that it had to be heavy on the pink and extremely cupcakey...and, boy, did she deliver! So huge thanks to her, and also to shrinkykitten, the Queen of Cupcake Warholization.

Enjoy!

Organized chaos...

2006-04-07T18:18:00.000+01:00

As I mentioned the other day, the unpacking of our books and CDs has led to a slight disagreement in the Pink Cupcake household as to how they should be arranged on our shelves. In our old house, both Mr Cupcake and I agreed that it was best for CDs to be arranged alphabetically by band or artist (and where we had more than one CD by a band/artist we would usually arrange them chronologically...yes, I know, we are that anal). Books were arranged under a few categories (fiction, non-ficton, law books, cookery books) and within those categories books of a certain type (e.g. political biographies) and those by the same author were put together. It wasn't a hard and fast system, but it was easy to locate things. Everything was just fine and I assumed we'd take a similar approach in our new home. Clearly, I assumed too much...

As we unpacked the boxes, Mr Cupcake just started randomly lining books and CDs on the shelves. To begin with, I thought he just wanted to get everything out, so that he could see where things were. I was wrong. He apparently thinks it adds fun, excitement and spontaneity (his words) to life if you have to pour over the bookcases for ages whilst trying to find something to read or listen to. You know, whilst desperately searching for your favourite recipe book so that you can have a meal prepared before your friends arrive, you might instead stumble upon a Woodhouse and be seized by the desire to read a little Jeeves and Wooster. No?! I don't think so either.

The whole thing reminds me of a post that Julie wrote about jarring transitions in itunes (when she asked people who play their itunes library in order (rather than randomly) to note down songs/artists that sit oddly next to one another). Our entire book and CD collections are now one big mass of jarring transitions. I just don't think that Noam Chomsky should sit with Tolkien, or that the Master of the Senate should have cocktail recipes for company. Sylvia and Hilary don't look too happy to be shelf-buddies either, although I have to say they're a better match than Jamie Oliver and the Iron Lady herself. Don't even get me started on the CDs...

So, dear blogosphere, I seek your advice. Should we:

(a) Go back to the old system or a version thereof.
(b) Throw caution to the wind and keep Mr Cupcake's system (if you can call anything that disorganized a system!).
(c) Have a whole new system. What do you do? How do you arrange your libraries?

Imaginary friends...

2006-04-07T16:56:00.000+01:00

Just had lunch with my Mother. She asked me if I was still doing 'that funny internet thingy'. I enquired as to whether she was referring to blogging, and she said 'yes, that thing you do with your imaginary friends'. Think she was referring to you guys... ;)

Getting my brain into gear...

2006-04-06T17:16:00.000+01:00

Thanks so much for all your good wishes...My cold finally seems to be getting a bit better, although I'm surprised that it's hung around this long. Mr Cupcake, the germ-spreader, was, of course, all better after a couple of days, whereas nearly a week later I still have a cough and no voice. I'm certain that I've suffered more with colds since I had my tonsils taken out a few years back, as they now always seem to end up as a chesty cough and blocked sinuses, neither of which I'd ever really had before. Of course, when the tonsils were still there I had terrible tonsilitis so often that the odd cough or two is really not that bad in comparison. I certainly don't regret having them out - it's one of the best things I've ever done health-wise (although it hurt more than I can even bear to think about for a couple of weeks).

What I hate most about colds is that they stop my brain working properly. Yes, I am sure that this cannot be scientifically proven (probably the opposite is true), but I just can't think when I've got a cold. I can feel the thoughts thudding around in my head, some of them even joining with others to make a process, but they seem to be interminably trapped in the cotton-wool and playdough that is my brain. This makes me so frustrated. Even simple stuff like writing an e-mail or a blog post feels as though I'm trying fathom out how to split an atom. I stare at the screen and nothing comes out. I try to think harder, but just end up feeling dizzy. I even had trouble making a to-do list of all the stuff I needed to catch-up on once my brain was functioning again. Ugh.

So, now that the brain is beginning to come back to life, it's time for action and organization! Just going to finish my coffee first... ;)

Random Bullets of Crap...Weekend Edition

2006-04-02T22:26:00.000+01:00

It's been all snuffles and sniffles in the Pink Cupcake House since Thursday. Mr Cupcake (since he gave himself this new pseudonym when he guest posted, he can keep it!) caught a terrible cold/flu type thing and was off work for two days. This may not seem like much, but he's a lawyer. Lawyers never take time off work when they're ill. They go in. They work on. They suffer for justice. Global anarchy would surely prevail if, you know, even one of them called in sick. ;) Okay, so I'm being more than a little sarcastic, but it's all true. Lawyers drag themselves in. They like to share their germs with their colleagues, so that a few days later, they too can take their turn in becoming martyrs of the legal profession.* So, yes, it was a major deal for Mr Cupcake to take two whole days off. Poor thing, he was really poorly.
Of course, I'd feel much more sorry for him, had he not shared his germs with me. As he began to get better on Friday, I went downhill just in time for the weekend. Grrrrrrrr!
Saturday wasn't completely wasted though...we finally got our washing machine repaired (apparently some parts had become damaged in transit). It is such a relief to no longer lie awake at night worrying whether I will find one more clean pair of underwear the next morning! I have to confess that I was more excited than someone ought to be when I heard the machine whirring and filling up with water again.
On the subject of bizarre confessions, my burgeoning fascination with cleaning products is escalating. I spent a joyful half hour the other day perusing this catalogue, and yesterday I bought these. Yes, they might look weird, but they are awesome at removing gunk and grime from all manner of weird and wonderful (and especially tiny) places. I can't tell you how fantastic my previously grime infested extractor fan looks now. ;)
It's not only the extractor fan that's clean, the entire kitchen is at last sparkling (except the oven, which is my next project *sigh*) and we've finally been able to unpack our things. It feels so much more homely to see familiar items in it, and will no doubt be even better when it smells of home-cooked food sometime very soon.
We've now unpacked approximately 40 of our 70 or so boxes. Hooray for some progress!
The unpacking has led to much debate (read: disagreement) about organization of books and CDs. As I'd love to know on which side of the debate my fellow bloggers will fall, I'm going to post more fully about this tomorrrow. This is serious stuff. :)

*Please do not take this as me being anti-lawyer. As an academic lawyer who is always teased for not being a real lawyer, it's fun to get my own back from time to time...

Friday Random Ten: Cold & Flu Edition

2006-03-31T21:29:00.000+01:00

Today, I can do no more than wade through the piles of tissues and throat pastilles littering our living room to turn the ipod on. Hopefully, my brain and nose will defug enough to allow normal posting to resume tomorrow. Until then, it's back to the hot lemon and honey for me...

Love Me Two Times - The Doors
Good Riddance - Green Day
Jeremy - Pearl Jam
Pure & Simple - The Lightning Seeds
Diminished - REM
Good Vibrations - Beach Boys
Last Resort - Papa Roach
Strange Currencies - REM
Staring At The Sun - U2
Just A Day - Feeder

As seen at Aspiring Academic's place...

2006-03-30T14:17:00.000+01:00

How to make a Pink Cupcake

Ingredients:

5 parts intelligence

5 parts courage

5 parts empathy

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of curiosity and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Housekeeping

2006-03-29T17:31:00.000+01:00

Although I've been blogging for quite a while now, I've never got around to subscribing to feeds of all my favourite blogs through Bloglines. Stupidly, I kept telling myself that I didn't have the time to sit down and sort it out, except, of course, the alternative has meant that I spend hours clicking through my blogroll several times a day, looking for new posts like some kind of blog stalker! Well, fear not, you will be stalked no more... I've now subscribed to all of your feeds (except the one person who doesn't have a feed, although she is forgiven at the moment, as she has her comps today!). I can't believe how efficient my blog reading will now be (except I do like to click through to read most posts, as I like seeing the familiar, colourful templates). In fact, I'm going to save so much time that I'll be able to add tons more blogs to my regular reading list! Yay!

They'll also be more visible changes coming up on the blog in the coming weeks. I've already got some inspiration from the best blogging book ever. So stay tuned...

Blissful slumber...

2006-03-29T17:02:00.000+01:00

...That's what I'll be having when our wonderful new mattress arrives. Lots and lots of blissful slumbering will be going on around here! Oh yes!

We've debated getting one of these for quite a while, but always decided against it, as they're not inexpensive, and we certainly have more than enough other things in our new flat that need money spent on them. But, we've coped with a cheap IKEA mattress for too many years now and anything that will help my back is most definitely a good thing. Plus, we decided that it was stupid to economize too much on such an item, when (in theory!) we spend a third of our lives in bed.

So we test drove one yesterday and it was soooo comfy. Squishy in all the right places, but also very supportive, and so nice not to feel the mattress digging into me. It was kind of odd to be rolling all over the bed n the middle of the shop, but the salesman said we must try all our different sleeping postitions, and so we did. Must have looked terribly silly!

Yes, I know mattress blogging isn't the most scintillating of subjects, but look at the big picture...a well rested Pink Cupcake will write much more fascinating blog posts! And, of course, if I ever get the wireless internet working here, I'll be able to blog from the comfort of my bed. :)

A sign that I'm overly hormonal...

2006-03-28T10:26:00.000+01:00

...I've started to use quotes from Hamlet's soliloquies in the subject line of emails to my husband.

Yes, I should probably go hide under the covers with a good supply of chocolate, tea and my lavender wheat pillow. O that this too too solid flesh would melt...

Slow progress...

2006-03-27T15:12:00.000+01:00

I can't believe that it's already been three weeks since we moved into Dream Flat. What have we accomplished so far? Well, we finally got the telephone line working, only for it to break down again last Thursday. We finally got the washing machine plumbed in, only for it to overheat and enter laundy meltdown a few days later. Can you spot a theme here?

It's definitely a case of two steps forward and one (or maybe two!) steps back. Half of the kitchen is clean, but half, to adopt Clare's description of it, is still a rancid pit. Still, we've turned this negative into a positive by already building good relations with a whole host of local take-away restaurants. Such acclimatization into the neighbourhood can only be a good thing, no? :)

Also, although we haven't done a lot with them, we're now the proud owners of a whole host of exciting new DIY gadgets, so that's something, even if they are only cluttering up the living room and getting dusty. And, I'm now eminently qualified to write reviews on nearly every cleaning product on the UK market. In fact, I fear becoming a cleaning bore. For whilst I hate the act of cleaning itself, I'm becoming quite fascinated with the relative merits of different products. This is so not a good thing.

As far as unpacking is concerned, I'd say that we're about 10% done (which means, at this rate, we'll be all done in another 30 weeks! *sigh*). Of course, we have our priorities straight. We can't locate a single thing for the kitchen and all our clothes are screwed up in bags and cases, BUT nearly all our books and CDs are neatly shelved.

We've also mastered the enormous Community Recycling Centre which is run by the City Council. It's an awesome place, which totally stops everyone just dumping everything in one place to be taken to the landfill site. There are huge containers for just about every material imaginable and really helpful staff. Plus there are also containers for hazardous materials, so that the Council can then dispose of them in the most environmentally friendly way possible. We certainly didn't have anywhere this good where we used to live.

Actually, the whole area seems to be very community oriented. We've already joined a couple of groups that work to preserve local buildings and also provide input on the future of the city, and there's a million other things that we're looking forward to getting involved with. That is, of course, if we ever get unpacked. So I'd better get back to trying to improve upon the 10% completion rate...

I still haven't found our camera, but did manage to get hold of a slightly Warholized photo of the front of our house (and a few other houses in the Square) which I think is quite fun...

Not too bad...

2006-03-27T11:38:00.000+01:00

12.5 %

My weblog owns 12.5 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

As seen at Julie's and Profgrrrrl's...

Mothers' Day

2006-03-26T14:08:00.000+01:00

I understand those who complain that Mothers' Day has become way too commercial. I certainly get frustrated (as I do on Valentine's Day) that the price of flowers is hiked to way more than usual. BUT I still think that Mothers' Day has a place in our modern day society. Of course, we should all do nice things for our Mums throughout the year, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with having a special day to celebrate them and their relationships with their children. When I went for a walk a little earlier, I was heartened to see many mothers and their children making their way out for lunch, with Mums clutching bouquets of flowers, or gifts, or handmade cards. They were smiling as they went about their day, clearly feeling proud of and appreciated by their families. It was lovely to look through restaurant windows to see families sharing a meal and laughing and joking together, something which sadly seems to happen less and less frequently in the hurried world in which we live. So, yeah, the flowers may be more expensive today, but the joy of seeing families (often three or four generations) together is beyond value.

I won't be seeing my Mum today, but we did spend an Early Mothers' Day together yesterday (because, in their infinite wisdom, the local train company decided to screw up all the trains by planning engineering works on Mothers' Day!). It was fun just to hang out, drink coffee, shop and share a long lunch together.

So, Happy Mothers' Day Mum of Pink Cupcake! (Not that she reads this.)

Is it just me...

2006-03-26T10:33:00.000+01:00

...or has anyone else noticed that if you get a word verification wrong, the next one you get is soooo much longer and soooo much more complicated??! Is it Blogger's idea of a sick joke? The letters are all so distorted and jumbled that it's often hard to read and re-type them (well, for me anyway!), and then, when you get it wrong, they just up the stakes. Gah! :)

Bleurgh blogging...

2006-03-24T17:41:00.000Z

I'm feeling decidely bleurgh today. Completely out of sorts. Just want to hide under the covers and cry, and then cry some more.

This stems from yesterday's appointment with my doctor, at which I got the results of the MRI scan of my back. The scan showed that I have some problems with bulging discs and damaged ligaments which are pressing on my spinal cord. These are what is causing the pain in my back (and also my front rib area and sometimes legs). I didn't expect this at all. I don't think my doctor did either. He was certainly moving in the direction of some type of connective tissue disorder before this, and hadn't even mentioned this possibility. It's not so much that I'm massively bothered by the diagnosis (although I am a bit, and it certainly doesn't answer why I have some of my other symptoms), it's the treatment options that worry me more.

To start with I have to take eight painkillers a day, then, if that's no help, I'll start anti-inflammatory tablets too, then perhaps a series of epidural steroid injections, and possibly surgery on my spinal area (which sounded pretty complicated). My specialist wants to avoid surgery if possible (as do I!), but I'm not wild about stuffing a ton of medication into my body on a long term basis either, especially as it's not actually going to solve the problem, but just alleviate pain. Apparently, the problem may right itself, get worse (less likely), or just stay about the same forever. I certainly don't want to be taking pain medication for years on end, but I have to find some way of living a normal life. At the moment, I can't do a lot of everyday stuff, I can't get comfortable in bed and the pain makes it very difficult for me to sit down and concentrate on my research (read: I haven't done so in ages). I can't go on like this.

Oh, I don't know, I'm just waffling. I just feel strung out and overwhelmed by it all. I know it's not the end of the world and that there are so many people far worse off than me, but I just feel down in the dumps right now.

I am going out tonight though and thankfully we've got seats at the concert (normally we stand, seats are for wimps not 'real' fans according to my husband!), so that should make it easier on my back. Even though I don't feel much like going, I guess I could definitely use a fix of upbeat rock music right now!

Hopefully I'll be back to jollier blogging tomorrow...

Random Bullets of Crap*: Brain Addled By Cleaning Products Edition

2006-03-22T09:01:00.000Z

Yesterday, I told myself I couldn't blog until I'd finished cleaning at least half of our kitchen cupboards (which I didn't manage). That might not sound like a lot, and in an ordinary kitchen it wouldn't be...but this is the Kitchen of Horrors. I cannot comprehend what the previous residents did in there, but it must have been a kind of game where they just spent hours rubbing grease, fat, any brown coloured food etc. into cupboard shelves, doors (extra points for getting it into small crevices where it's hard to clean!). As for the walls, I think they must have used been used as target practice for whatever food happened to be lying around. Totally gross. I have now cleaned some of the cupboards at least five times and am only just beginning to see the difference. So, expect me to actually unpack my pans and cook a meal sometime in 2009.
Even our poor washer/dryer machine has had a bad reaction to being in the Kitchen of Horrors. It now takes 3 hours to wash a single load of laundry (where it used to take one) and at the end the machine is massively overheated. Clearly, it's hoping to be sent to the great Washing Machine Heaven rather than spend much longer in this place...
Not that it's all bad on the domestic front. We do finally have a shower from which water actually flows. For two weeks we could get no more than drip from it - which led to me taking more baths than I've had in the last 10 years (I hate bathing!) - but the plumber did what plumbers do, and we now have a stream of water. Not powerful, but at least I can condition my hair properly. By the end of last week my hair was getting so static that everything I touched gave me electric shocks! Not good.
Of course, even all the domestic horrors (and I've only given a flavour here...) do not detract from how awesome it is to live here. I haven't been out yet this morning, but have already watched people stroll around the gardens and looked at the sea from our window. Perfect.
The reason I haven't been out yet is because I'm waiting for a delivery of concert tickets. Yet another reason why I love living in Trendy Seaside City is that there is a fantastic concert venue about ten minutes walk away which attracts top bands. And, because some poor souls always end up not being able to attend at fairly late notice, it's fairly inexpensive to get heavily discounted tickets on e-bay. I'm really excited as I've seen this band in support in the past, and it'll be fun to hear much more of their stuff.
I hope the tickets arrive soon, as I'm looking forward to escaping the cleaning and walking to town to run some errands. I have to get Mothers' Day cards and gifts, lots of birthday cards (why are so many of my friends born in March?), and will probably poke around a couple of book shops and stationery shops to fuel my addiction just a little.
I also want to start looking at coffee makers. I want a drip/filter sort, but I want to make sure that I buy a good one (not necessarily expensive). In the past I've had cafetiere (apologies for missing accents!) / french-press style ones, Italian stove-top espresso makers, and also a big espresso/cappuccino machine. Thing is, I've never really liked the coffee that the cafetieres make, and I only tend to drink espresso when I go out for a meal, so my espresso makers were primarily used as a basis for lattes, which I really prefer to buy from a coffee shop. What I'm really looking for is a machine that will just make good coffee. It's going to be my present to myself for finally getting the kitchen clean (if I ever do). Do any of you have any suggestions as to makes or models or any particular features I should be looking out for? I'd be hugely grateful for any advice, especially as I know there are plenty of caffeine aficionados in this part of the blogosphere. :)

* Originally devised by Ianqui, but now adopted by almost everyone else.

Back at last...

2006-03-20T12:42:00.000Z

Wow! It's been far too long, but I'm pleased to report that we finally moved to our Dream Flat in Trendy Seaside City exactly two weeks ago, and after some drama with an incredibly long and ancient telephone line, we at last have a fast internet connection again. *sigh of relief*. Although I've taken breaks from blogging in the past, I've never been without an internet connection, so I've been able to catch up with all of you, even when my own posting's been light. So, I'm thrilled to be back and desperate to catch up on my blog reading, although I can see that's going to be a mammoth task, and one which is infinitely more appealing than scrubbing the filthy kitchen that we inherited in our flat. However, we WILL have to stop eating take-out every night fairly soon (we're getting a little too regular in the local chinese restaurant!), so do bear with me...

The last few weeks have been a complete whirlwind. Moving out of the first home that we owned, via my Mother's house for three weeks, then onto Dream Flat (which is almost two hundred years old, and requiring the attention that a property of that age demands, especially as it has been pretty unloved for several years). All of this was simultaneously exhilarating and emotionally draining. It also requires a pretty good sense of humour...you certainly can't take yourself too seriously when it takes over two hours to remove the most disgusting toilet seat that you've ever seen because it's totally crusted up with God only knows what! Ewwww. But, the massive amounts of work that we have to do really are a labour of love. We adore the flat - even in its current state - and still walk around staring up at the high ceilings and not quite believing that we actually live here. I'm actually amazed that it's so easy to feel excited and enchanted about something that in some ways is a total wreck. (I'll definitely blog photos of the flat, just as soon as I locate the digital camera, which could be in any one of 70 or so boxes that remain unpacked...)

My excitement only heightens when I go outside the building. I get a tingle in my spine every time I walk into the square and look up at the magnificent architecture, across at the gardens and down to the sea. It really does take my breath away and I feel truly privileged to live here. I also feel a sense of responsibility for my environment (and a sense of pride, I guess) that I have never before felt in quite the same way.

And, of course, it's also amazing to actually live in a city, especially one that is so rich culturally and intellectually. I'm totally overwhelmed by the amount that is going on and all the amazing things that there are to do and to become involved with. It's so wonderful to once again be living within short walking distance of amazing coffee shops, restaurants, independent bookshops, galleries, museums, and to be part of a community where so many different people are passionate about so many diverse things. I feel like a child in a candy shop whirling round to look at all the different things on display.

I have so much I want to write about, but I'd better stop now. I think I'll keep a list of things that I want to blog about soon, just so I don't forget...I couldn't possibly deprive you of the tale of the old lady who takes her Teddy Bear to the cafe and lets it talk to the customers, could I?! In the meantime, here's an aerial photograph of our square. (The sea is at the bottom, the gardens in the middle and the houses round the outside.)

Guest Post - Mr Pink Cupcake

2006-02-22T13:44:00.000Z

A brief guest post today from Mr Pink Cupcake (now there's an unfortunate name!) to update you on the recent lack of activity on this blog. Basically, PC is without internet access at the moment. I have internet access at work so that's the reason you've got me today instead of PC.

The reason we don't have home internet access is that we finally sold our house in sleepy boring village a week ago!! And, even better, on Monday we finally managed to buy our dream flat in trendy seaside city, six months after making our original offer on it!!

It all came together really quickly in the end and PC didn't have time to leave a message on the blog in the mad rush to pack all our stuff up and put it into storage.

We are now living with PC's mum until 6 March, when we move to our new flat. PC's mum considers an abacus to be modern technology so you won't be surprised to hear that she doesn't have net access. This is sending PC up the wall and she said to say hi to everyone whose blogs she reads - she's missing you all tons. She should be back in circulation when we move.

Well that's enough from me - normal service will be resumed soon.

Hmmmmm...

2006-02-04T19:36:00.000Z

I look at my blog many, many times a day when I'm using my blogroll to visit the rest of you (yes, I still haven't got around to using bloglines or the like, I really must), and I've been meaning to write a post in over a week. I thought that at least I could get back to my 100 Facts, that wouldn't be too hard, right? But, at the moment anything is too much. It's still because of the medical stuff. I'm seeing more doctors, getting more symptoms and am still no nearer to diagnosis, treatment or even alleviation of symptoms. I'm seeing another specialist this week, so really, really hoping things will make some move for the better very soon. Until then blogging will be, at best, sporadic. There's a whole host of things I want to write about, but I'll just keep a list for now. But, as blog reading is still my favoured distraction (that, and an increasing addiction to the Gilmore Girls), I will urge all the rest of you to do the opposite of me. Keep posting! A girl's got to have something to keep her occupied. :)

Another Five Meme...

2006-01-27T16:11:00.000Z

Ooops! I'm a few days behind with my Hundred Facts About Me, so I'll be playing catch-up on that sometime this evening. In the meantime (or should that be 'memetime'! *groan*) I'm going to get into a bloggy mood with this Five Meme that both the wonderful Clare and Seeking Solace tagged me for...Ooooh, I feel so popular. :)

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

zerodoll
Overread
BrightStar
Seeking Solace / Clare
Pink Cupcake

Next select five people to tag.

Oooh, whilst I like being tagged, I know not everyone does. So, it'd be great if any of the following wanted to give this one a go, but please don't worry if you'd rather not.

Queen of West Procrastination (Being tagged is, after all, just another great excuse to procrastinate!)
Scrivener
Liz
Running2Ks
HalloweenLover

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Hmmmm...What I was doing 9 years ago is way more interesting (so I'll post one of my 100 Facts about that). If you asked my Mum what I was doing 10 years ago, she'd say that I should have been in my first year as an undergrad at Very Prestigious University. She was really not at all happy when despite being offered a place, I decided to take some time out after finishing school in 2005 and got a job working in politics. She certainly didn't begin to forgive me until I was accepted to Very Prestigious University in 2003 for my Masters and PhD! So, in January 1996, rather than being tucked away in the corner of a library, I was working on a local election campaign.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

I was in my final term as President of Grad Students in my college at Very Prestigious Uni. I was enormously glad that it was my final term, as it had been a pretty stressful year of office. I was trying to research and write about the wonders of European Law, but I probably spent way too much time stressing over crappy student politics, and de-stressing over many mocha frappuccinos.

Five snacks you enjoy...

Tortilla chips - with guacamole to dip them in, of course!
Yoghurt coated raisins.
Japanese seaweed and rice crackers.
Rice cakes (yeast extract flavoured) with houmous.
Cupcakes - especially when they're pink. :)

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics...

Doesn't everyone know all the lyrics to about a gazillion songs?? Here's a few...

Pretty much any REM song.
Ordinary World - Duran Duran.
Girl From Mars - Ash.
Yes - McAlmont and Butler. (Soooo good when sung really loudly to yourself whilst dancing very badly. :))
Tribute - Tenacious D. (Although I wouldn't admit to that if I weren't using a pseudonym!)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire...

Buy a flat with a sea view and room for tons of bookshelves in Trendy Seaside City.
Donate to my favourite charity.
Start a cat sanctuary.
Fund a scholarship for a PhD student, because it'd be nice to save at least one fellow grad student from funding worries.
Travel to many wonderful places with my husband.

Five bad habits...

Worrying.
Overanalyzing.
Worrying.
Overanalyzing.
Did I mention worrying and overanalysing?!??

Five things you like doing...

Catching up with all my favourite blogs, whilst cuddled up on the sofa with a cup of tea.
Hanging out in coffee shops and reading for fun.
Making other people happy with little surprises and nice gestures.
Spending time with my husband. Living long distance for two years made me appreciate and cherish just hanging out with him even more.
Taking afternoon tea. Yes, I am that English!

Five things you would never wear again...

The blue sparkly evening outfit that I thought was so cool in 1997. Unfortunately it was so. not. cool.
Shoulder pads (I stole that from Seeking Solace, but I'm so with her on this one. What were we all thinking?!).
Any trousers that my Mum has altered the length of. She has a habit of making them way too short, bless her. :) I've lost count of the amount of my trousers that she has ruined over the years.
The woolly hat that I used to wear when I lived in the chilly North. I don't even think my Grandmother would have worn that hat. It was so untrendy, but sooooo warm.
A ra-ra skirt. But my blue, pink and yellow one was way cool in 1985!

Favourite toys...

My laptop.
My ipod shuffle.
Stationery. Any and all of it...
My page-a-day cat calendar. Soooo cute. :)
The Woofs.

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Days Ten & Eleven

2006-01-22T20:41:00.000Z

I'm a little late with Day 10 and I'm feeling pretty tired and icky, so I'll keep these facts short and sweet...

Day 10 - Bright Star's fact for Day 11 brought this one to mind. I was named after the main female character in my Father's favourite book. If I'd been a boy I would be called Adam. Apparently there was much disagreement over potential boy names, so my parents eventually settled on the 'first man'. Weird really. Neither of my parents is particularly relgious and I don't think either of them really liked the name. I imagine there was just one hell of a disagreement over some other male name and this was the only compromise they came to. I'm glad I was a girl though, because I really like my name.
Day 11 - I'm disillusioned with UK politics right now. The party of which I am a (lapsed) member is in a state of disarray. I'm annoyed because my beliefs are absolutely in line with so many of the party's policies, but I just don't feel that the party's leadership (or prospective leadership) and senior members are in any way capable of doing what they need to do and should be doing. I have far more respect for many of the leading politicians and activists in the other two major parties, but of course I would never sell out on my beliefs. The whole thing just makes me sad and frustrated.

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Day Nine

2006-01-20T19:56:00.000Z

I was just reading Running2Ks' post about her embarrassing moment on the day that she first saw Titanic and met her in-laws-to-be. It reminded me of the day that my husband and I saw Titanic. The memory is not about the movie itself, but about the reason we almost didn't see it. Although my husband had proposed to me a couple of months before, we decided not to tell our families about our engagement until we saw them in person for my 21st Birthday celebrations. We were living near Newcastle at the time and were stopping off at my future in-laws' home in Yorkshire overnight, before we all headed south to stay with my family. We arrived in Yorkshire mid-morning and were due to see Titanic at 8pm, which of course left hours and hours for my husband-to-be to tell his parents that we were getting engaged. Or so I would have thought. He was uncharacteristically nervous and kept pacing up and down and missing opportunities to tell them. Every time I thought he was going to get to it, he somehow changed the subject or something else intervened. Looking back, it was terribly sweet for a normally confident and articulate man to be so tongue-tied, although at the time I wished he'd just spit it out! I'm not sure why he was so nervous (his parents really liked me and we'd been living together for quite a while, so they were unlikely to be surprised), but he finally managed to tell them just before we left for the cinema. They were over the moon and we quickly had a glass of Champagne. So as you can imagine, it was a totally incongruous time to watch such a tragic film and I really couldn't get my head into the plight of Kate and Leonardo. I was in the land of engagement fluffiness. So yes, I was the slightly insane looking girl who had a grin on her face throughout the film (even when Celine Dion was singing!)...

Hello...

2006-01-20T18:21:00.000Z

I didn't do the whole International Delurking Week thing because I'd only just begun blogging regularly again, and was just very grateful to have a few wonderful bloggy pals hanging around still (thanks guys, I really appreciated it). However, it's been wonderful to have a few new commenters recently, and, as I've been rather hopeless at responding to comments, I just wanted to say WELCOME to K., lisa, Seeking Solace and brian. Thanks so much for stopping by. I'll definitely be adding you to my blogroll (if you're not there already) and making my way across to your blogs very soon...

I'll be back later with my Fact for Day Nine! I can just tell you're all on the edge of your seats... ;)

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Day Eight

2006-01-19T21:08:00.000Z

I LOVE getting mail. Even when I'm expecting something that may not be good news, the plop of mail on the door mat sets my heart a flutter. I can't recount the amount of times that I have nearly fallen down the stairs in my haste to get to the mail. I get even worse near birthdays, and everyone around me knows it. I moved in with my husband (then boyfriend) a few months before I was 21 and, when my birthday came around, I was terrified that everyone would send my cards to my old address. I thought I'd been pretty cool about this fear until I received 10 cards through the mail from my husband, who wanted to ensure that I was never faced by an empty door mat. Bless him! :)

So I was very excited today when the plop on the mat contained not only bills and junk mail, but also this amazing Gaudi postcard from Profgrrrrl's adventures in Barcelona...Thanks Profgrrrrl!

(Ooops - can't find digital camera cable, but will blog photo of postcard tomorrrow. Promise!)

One Hundred Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Day Seven

2006-01-18T22:36:00.000Z

I adore vacation memories. Of course, I love the vacations themselves, but cherish even more the memories they create, and it's usually not the big landmarks or sights that I remember most. From China, whilst I of course have vivid memories of the Great Wall, the Forbidden City et. al., I have equally striking memories of the banana splits that my friend and I ate in a hotel in Guangzhou, as a welcome departure from nothing other than the local cuisine which we had eaten 3 meals a day for six weeks. I can picture that banana split now. I can also picture the hotel bar in St Petersburg where my husband and I drank 'Soviet Champagne' served from a silver ice bucket for £3 a bottle! That certainly helped our discussions of the breathtaking art that we had seen in the Hermitage that day.

Lest it seem that all these memories are related food and drink, that's not quite true. (Although I could go on about the amazing Buddhist restaurant that provided a tranquil retreat in Prague, or the most amazing Indian restaurant I've ever been to (and which had the biggest bathrooms ever) in Tallinn...but I have to stop before I salivate too much. ;)) It's more to do with finding the special and unusual in everyday experiences in unfamiliar surroundings, as opposed to just focusing on the touristy aspects. For that reason I love strolling around supermarkets and all manner of other shops in other countries. I like looking at the photographs in hairdressers' windows. I like watching local people go about their day. I also like the surrealness (is that a word?!) of slightly odd happenings in unfamiliar places...Like the ferret I saw strolling through the old town of Krakow, or the checkout assistants in Novgorod, Russia, who looked like they'd stepped right out of the Foo Fighters' Learn To Fly video, or being the only English people (and English speakers) in a pub in Zakopane, Poland during a power cut.

I guess what I love about the memories that travelling leaves me with is that they are both the expected (the museums, galleries etc.) and the unexpected...the ones that always bring a smile to my face.

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Day Six

2006-01-17T21:45:00.000Z

Okay, this may be too cutesy for words, and we're really not that cutesy a couple, but my husband and I both have identical cuddly toy dogs, appropriately (although perhaps uninspiringly) named The Woofs. My husband got his Woof as part of a Valentine's gift I sent him the first year I lived away from him in Grad School City. He loved him and let him sit on my side of the bed each night when I was away. I loved him too, he was so soft and snuggly. Luckily, my husband managed to locate another Woof and mailed him to me in Grad School City, so we both had a cute, fluffy friend to keep us company. Of course, when I moved back home permanently last year The Woofs were united. And now they live happily ever after, except for bath times. Here they are...

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Day Five

2006-01-16T22:31:00.000Z

I'm very scared of butterflies. I absolutely hate the way that they flutter. I just don't care how pretty they are, I shudder and run away if one comes near me, and I know I'd faint if one landed on me. I know it's not rational and that they can't hurt me, but it's the fluttering I tell you, the fluttering! I'm even scared of them when they are dead. An old family friend gave me a display case of butterflies when I was little, which my parents hung in the hall (as there was no way I'd have them in my room). I couldn't even look at them, and would run past them with my head down. How stupid is that? Even last year when my Malaysian friend brought me a bookmark with a dead butterfly in it from his home, I had to hide it out of sight. Given all of this, I have no idea how an ex-boyfriend (current at the time) managed to get me to go on a date to a butterfly house full of exotic butterflies. He certainly wasn't nearly special enough to justify such terror, although he probably thought I really liked him as I clung onto him for dear life the entire time. Ewww!

On a separate note, I'm really behind with replying to comments as my in-laws have been staying for the weekend and I haven't had a lot of blogging time. I will get to them soon and will certainly be fulfilling the requests to blog more about why I ended up at my particular boarding school. I also hope to catch up on my blog reading too. So little time... :)

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Day Four

2006-01-15T22:14:00.000Z

The two most important men in my life were/are huge NFL fans. Of course, this wouldn't be in the slightest bit weird if either of them were American or had lived in the States or had some other connection to the NFL, but that wasn't the case at all. My Father, who was a huge fan of all sports, got into it in the early 1980s, when just about nobody in the UK had heard of it. He was teased by his friends for the fact that he always stayed up late on Sundays to watch this massively long game that nobody understood. He ritualistically took the Monday after the Super Bowl as holiday. I remember him waking me up in the middle of the night to watch the half-time show with him. He was a Chicago Bears fan. (He wouldn't be happy that Carolina are 7 points up as I write this...)

My husband has also been an NFL fan since he was 12, although I didn't know it when we started dating. He has only missed one Super Bowl in the last 20 years...the night we started dating! I didn't realize what an enormous sacrifice he was making at the time, and he didn't know that his new girlfriend was one of the only girls in England who could discussing the intricacies of offensive and defensive strategies. ;) My husband is a Falcons fan.

Sadly, my Dad died 6 years before I met my husband, but I feel sure that they would have hung out each Sunday in the season, painstakingly discussing each play. And so, despite the fact that NFL games get a little tedious for me, I also find them oddly comforting and a way of feeling close to the two best men I've ever known.

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Day Three

2006-01-14T22:51:00.000Z

I love having fresh flowers in the house. Even the smallest, most simple vase of flowers really lifts my mood. Even when I lived in student accommodation, I almost always had flowers in my room. At the moment I have tulips and daffodils, which help me to remember that Spring is around the corner. I like almost all types of flowers, but I can't stand those that are artificially coloured...what it the point of that? White lillies are my favourite though. My wedding bouquet was white lillies and ivory roses.

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Fact Two

2006-01-13T22:36:00.000Z

When I was little, I really wanted to learn a musical instrument. I started off with the recorder, but was desperate to learn a proper instrument. At my school, the first instrument we were allowed to take lessons on was the violin. For some reason you had to wait several more years to learn a wind instrument. So I badgered my parents into buying me a violin. I was always okay at it, but never great. Even when I'd been playing for a few years, it still sounded terrible to me. Violins just don't sound good unless you are really accomplished. All my friends waited until they could learn the flute or saxophone or something much more glamourous, and I desperately wanted to change instruments, but may parents said I must persevere with the violin. I gradually hated it more, and haven't picked a violin up in eleven years. I knew it was my fault for not waiting to learn a different instrument, and that makes me a little sad as I may have kept up with something else. Of course, I could learn to play another instrument now, but isn't that one of those New Year's Resolutions that one makes but never keeps?

There is a positive to hating playing the violin though. It made me sing more and more. I loved music, and, as I didn't play an instrument I liked, I used my voice instead. When I was 16 I won a choral scholarship at my boarding school which paid for classical training, and I adored it. I love singing because to do it well (in my opinion) you have to focus on it completely...it has to absorb you. I love the intensity of it. The need for absolute concentration, yet the simultaneous ability to lose yourself in the music. I really should start singing again...

100 Facts About Pink Cupcake In 100 Days: Fact One

2006-01-12T21:49:00.000Z

Everyone's favourite Star is doing this and suggested it might be a good meme. I'm all about memes right now, and posting one fact about myself for 100 days will certainly keep me blogging, so it's all good. Here we go...

At my boarding school there were 500 boys and 30 girls. You think that'd be a good ratio for getting a boyfriend, no? Not exactly. All the guys dated the girls from the Girls' School down the road, and treated us at best like sisters, although more often as annoyances. The school itself seemed to forget we existed. Only boys were allowed to play sports on the main school field. Only boys could be Head of School. Only boys could, upon leaving school, join the prestigious London club that the school associated with. Not that I would have wanted to join, but I also didn't want to sit through a compulsory two hour talk on the benefits of membership. Of course, if I could persuade one of the boys to escort me to the club for lunch, then (and only then) would I be allowed in, as long as I didn't try to enter the bar or library. Gah! Only boys...the list went on and on. We were supposed to make the school seem more progressive, as very few schools of this type took girls, but we were really just a thorn in the side of tradition and the old-boy network.

BUT having said all this I wouldn't have changed it for the world. It made us girls feisty and strong. It helped us to forge friendships and bonds with one another, in situations where girly bitchiness would normally have prevailed. We were a force to be reckoned with. We definitely punched above our weight in the school, and we made our Housemaster (the teacher in charge of the girls' boarding house, probably the least popular job in the school) fiercely proud of us. We knew we'd cracked it when he came to our house meeting one day in a t-shirt which proudly declared that he wanted to be an 'honorary girl'. Of course we let him...he bought us chocolate. :)

Four Things Meme

2006-01-09T11:07:00.000Z

As seen everywhere. I must be the last to do this, so I won't tag anyone else...

Four Jobs You've Had in Your Life

Shop assistant in a large stationery store. Sounds like heaven for someone with an addiction to all things pens and paper, but, no. Just a lot of heaving around of dusty boxes and dealing with stroppy customers. Not much fun at all.
Teaching English to German students.
Paralegal specializing in Employment Law.
Political Agent (planning and organizing election campaigns, party recruitment, fundraising etc.).

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over

A Room with a View It's my favourite novel, and the film was just as I imagined it ought to be.
Dead Poets Society
Legally Blonde Because there isn't a better mentor for a Law PhD student than Elle! ;)
To Kill A Mockingbird

Four Places You've Lived

Whitley Bay, Tyne & Wear
Oxford
Worthing, Sussex
Sleepy Boring Village

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch

The West Wing
Judging Amy
The Gilmore Girls
24

Four Places You've Been on Vacation

Moscow
Beijing
Prague
San Francisco

Four Blogs You Visit Daily

I visit WAY more than four blogs daily, but four of the first I'm sure to check in on are...

Four Of Your Favourite Foods

Scones with strawberry jam and cream (and a pot of Darjeeling to wash it all down).
Thickly sliced, wild smoked salmon, with dill dressing.
Guacamole with tortilla chips.
My Mum's special recipe for casserole. The smell and taste are so comforting and take me right back to my childhood. (She made it again for me yesterday...yay!)

Four Places You'd Rather Be

Florence
Champagne (Doing lots of tasting and stocking up on supplies!)
Krakow (In one of my favourite tea rooms in the whole world.)
Tallinn

Four Albums You Can't Live Without

Arrrgghh. Just four?! That's not fair. I'd waste a day trying to figure this out, and still wouldn't get anywhere. So here's four that I'd miss right now as I've been listening to them tons recently...

Kaiser Chiefs - Employment
Patti Smith - Horses
The Zutons - Who Killed The Zutons?
Foo Fighters - In Your Honor

Four Vehicles You've Owned

Despite passing my test (after several years of lessons, although only one test) three years ago, I haven't driven since that day. I. hate. it. I like living in city centres where I can walk everywhere, although I don't right now. So, umm, not sure what to put here...

BMX bike, when I was 7.
Creaky old bike.
Rollerblades.
Skateboard, when I was 8...not that I could ever manage to stand up on it!

Clare's wish is my command...

2006-01-07T21:24:00.000Z

Clare tagged me to do the Five Weird Things About Me meme...She's pretending it's because she wants to get me blogging again, but I just reckon she thinks I'm a weirdo. ;) Here goes...

(Just for Clare, because she teases me about this one...) I like watching darts on TV. Yes, I know the stereotypical darts fan is a male, middle-aged , over-weight, beer-drinking taxi driver from Essex, but so bloody what!? Just because I'm a home counties girl, with a bit of a plummy voice and a preference for Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon over a pint of bitter, why shouldn't I be a fan of Wayne 'Hawaii 501' Mardle?! Not sure I'm quite ready to go watch it live yet though. Might have to be able to handle myself in a pub brawl first. ;)
I got through my revision for my Law School final exams by singing and dancing to the Fraggle Rock theme tune to motivate and re-energize myself. All together now...'Cast your cares away...'
I hate being kissed on my nose. Is this weird?! I think so. My husband always kisses me on the end of my nose before kissing me on the lips, just to wind me up. It drives me totally insane.
Soon after we first met, my husband (then my boyfriend) and I lived at opposite ends of the country. Sometimes to make us feel closer we would both put California Dreaming on the stereo and sing along together on the telephone (with harmonies and all...well, as much harmony as my husband can manage, which isn't a lot!). I have no idea why we sang to this particular song, although it's probably because it works well as a duet. It was completely spontaneous and tons of fun. (This one is total proof I'm a weirdo, don't you think?)
My husband and I picked out names for our yet-to-be-born cats over 6 years ago, despite the fact that we won't be getting them until (hopefully) later this year when we move home. They're going to be Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, although I hope they won't come to as prematurely sticky an end as their namesakes.

Right, enough weirdness from me. I really hope to be blogging regularly again before too long, but I'm still trying to resolve the medical stuff. In the meantime, I'll probably pop up here from time to time, but I'll definitely be hanging out at your places...

Okay...

2005-12-08T17:55:00.000Z

...So it seems like I'm just not ready to write (about anything really) . As I said a couple of posts ago, I wanted use the blog to write about and process all the things that I am dealing with right now. I still want to do that, but I'm just not ready to yet. I don't feel ready to write about all the big things, and I can't get my head into little things and more frivolous stuff. To be honest, the main thing is that I've simply had enough of not knowing what's going on medically. My scan seems to have ruled out gynaecological problems (I just got the results today), but given that I've had pains/tenderness in so many disparate areas of my body, the doctors now want to check out some other things too. I'm just sick of tests, appointments and being poked and prodded by everyone. I want to think about something other than all of this, but I can't. I'm glad when certain things are ruled out, but in some ways, I'd rather they just find something very solvable wrong with me, so that I can get better and get on.

Until then, I don't think I'm going to post much. I'll probably post occasionally or do the odd meme, but I don't know. I'll definitely still be reading and commenting on all your blogs - that is one of my greatest sources of distraction from all of this - but I just don't need to be making myself feel bad about the fact I don't want to write right now. Thank you again for all of your support recently, I have really appreciated it so much (and I'm sorry that I kept you all waiting after my previous post...). This little corner of the blogosphere has provided me with more support than I ever imagined. I'll be back, but until then see you over at your places... :)

Waiting...

2005-12-02T15:22:00.000Z

I'm not very good at waiting, particularly when I want to get something over with as soon as possible. So I'm feeling a bit antsy today, because I have to go to the hospital for a scan at 5.15pm and it feels like it's been forever since I got up this morning. I haven't been productive in the slightest, and there's no reason for me not to have been, except that I suck at being productive when I know that there's something I have to do later in the day that I'm not looking forward to. It's so silly and it just makes me frustrated with myself.

Oh well, only 2 more hours to go...

Where I'm at...Part 1

2005-11-30T14:38:00.000Z

It's been blogging-lite around here again recently. I know why I haven't been writing. I think it's the blogging equivalent of hiding away underneath the bedcovers. I'm not blogging because I've convinced myself that if I don't write about things, I won't think about them and then they won't bother me so much. Of course, it doesn't work like that. I don't write about things, but burying my head under the covers doesn't make my fears and worries go away, it doesn't stop me from thinking about them...it just makes them more scary. It's just me and them in the dark.

This realization isn't anything new. I think I've always gone into myself when I'm bothered by something, as though dealing with it all internally will make it less real. To stop people realising how I feel I tend to over-compensate by being very bubbly and upbeat. When I was severely depressed last year, I'm sure that nobody would have guessed. I could be awake all night sobbing uncontrollably and be barely able to muster the strength to get out of bed, but you might see me a few hours later cheering others up and joking around. I don't think it's because I want to hide things from others (I'm a pretty open person), I think it's more that if I admit something to someone else then I can't avoid admitting it to myself. I think I am getting better with this, I've made a real effort to be entirely honest with (at least) my therapist and husband as to how I feel about both big and small things in life. I know that acknowledging my thoughts and feelings will help me to deal with them, especially as I've never been good at blocking things out of my mind anyway. I know that by not getting things out into the open, they just boil up inside of me and drive me crazy. I know all this, yet still I find it difficult to open up.

I started this blog in part because I wanted to be more open. I wanted to post about all sorts of things, and I wanted to at least occasionally post my thoughts and feelings about different aspects of my life. I'd like to write about the challenges I face, the day-to-day happenings of my life, my concerns, my successes... I've not been so good at that recently. I've been waiting for everything to 'get better' before I wrote more. I've realized that my need for things to be 'better' is driven by my need for certainty, answers and stability.

I crave all three of those things. I've had enough of not knowing whether or not we will ever sell our house. I need some more answers to my medical problems, not more questions. And, I need to work out what in the hell is going on with my PhD and other professional matters since I moved away from my grad school city. Everything's just a big mess, and as another year draws to an end, I want some certainty and direction. But I can't wait forever...

I've been back in Sleepy Boring Village for nearly six months and I'm behaving as though I'm waiting for bloody Godot. I'm not living my life because I'm constantly waiting for it to improve. I've got to do something about that...

I've waffled, I've rambled and I'm sure I've lost the interest of anyone who has managed to read this far, but I did at least write vaguely what I wanted. I now want to write some posts on more concrete subjects, such as moving, my academic work, my health, my future plans etc. I feel that if I at least write about where I'm at with them right now, I'll be able to think things through more clearly and gradually make progress. I hope so. Thanks for sticking around...

What every blogger wants to find in their Christmas Stocking...

2005-11-29T13:50:00.000Z

Dash to the bookstore...Go online...Update your Christmas Wish List...It's out now!

I'm sure that most readers of this blog will read Julie's blog too and will know all about her new book already. But if not, you should definitely check it out. It's about blogging with Blogger, and as Julie's a total whizz at all of this stuff, and always manages to explain complex subjects very clearly and simply, I've no doubt it will be an immensely useful resource. (Julie gave me a sneak preview of a section on blogrolling last week when my blogroll disappeared, and I managed to get my blogroll back super-fast and without the slightest hint of an anxiety attack!). There's also a blog about the book that contains lots more info.

So....go...go...go...buy..buy...buy! :)

B* has bunnies...

2005-11-29T13:30:00.000Z

B* has bunny ones, but I'm hoping that Santa may bring me these...

They're just the cutest kitty slippers ever, and some of the money raised from selling them goes to a charity that helps cute fluffy animals. It's a win-win situation. :)

HELP!!!

2005-11-25T12:38:00.000Z

I've managed to delete my blogroll from my template. It's still all on my blogrolling account, but I just can't work out how I managed to get the html code into my template in the first place. I've tried copying the code from my blogrolling account into one of the 'Edit-Me' links on my template, but it's not working. Can someone way smarter than me remind me how I ever managed to do this? I miss my blogroll. :(

Many, many thanks in advance. (If you'd rather e-mail than comment, my e-mail is roomwithaviewblog@hotmail.co.uk.)

My Three Thanksgivings...

2005-11-24T20:33:00.000Z

Being English, I didn't experience Thanksgiving celebrations until two years ago. It was my first year as a grad student in OUE City and two of my closest friends were from the States. One of their Dads was so upset that his daughter (actually, both of his daughters, as her sister was visiting with us at the time) would be away from home for Thanksgiving for the first time, that he paid for her to take a bunch of us out to dinner. It certainly wasn't a traditional Thanksgiving meal, we went to a French restaurant close by where we lived, but it was really fun to hear about the different traditions that our friends and their families had for this particular holiday. We even played the game that one friend played every single year. We each wrote down two things that we were thankful for (some meaningful, some pretty frivolous), mixed them up, read them out and then we all tried to guess who wrote which one. It was fun, I think mainly because I got to experience a little of a holiday that had never been part of my life before.

Last year was a little different, but I did get to celebrate with my American and non-American grad school friends. Instead of going out, we had an international potluck meal, and everyone brought a dish that was traditional (or at least influenced) by their home country. It was awesome, as in the building I lived in there were 24 students of 17 different nationalities, so the range of food was immense. And, in honour of Thanksgiving, I ate my first and only Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Ewwwww! It was gross. I totally don't understand why so many people love it. One of my friends literally held a knife to me to make me eat it, and even then I only managed a little. Ewww. Ewww. Ewww. :-(

This year I'm back home with LLH, so not celebrating Thanksgiving in any real way, unless you count the fact that I'm having to watch the Thanksgiving NFL Game (of course, being an Atlanta Fan, LLH is pretty happy right now). But I do feel like I've celebrated a virtual Thanksgiving through many of your blogs. Reading about your plans, your journeys, your food, your families, your stresses and your traditions has definitely spread a little holiday warmth across the Atlantic to the Pink Cupcake House. And so, I raise my glass (yes, any excuse for a glass of red wine!) to all my bloggy pals in the States...Happy Thanksgiving to you all! :)

Friday Non-Random Ten: You and Me

2005-11-18T17:25:00.000Z

Alanis Morissette "You Oughta Know" Jagged Little Pill
The Beach Boys "Do You Wanna Dance?" The Very Best of The Beach Boys
Divine Comedy "Everybody Knows (Except You)" A Short Album About Love
Manic Street Preachers "You Stole The Sun From My Heart" Forever Delayed
REM "You Are The Everything" Green

And...

Franz Ferdinand "Take Me Out" Franz Ferdinand
Green Day "Wake Me Up When September Ends" American Idiot
Puddle of Mudd "She Hates Me" Come Clean
REM "Me In Honey" Out of Time
Red Hot Chili Peppers "Don't Forget Me" By The Way

How about 'Monday Rat Blogging'?!

2005-11-14T21:06:00.000Z

I have to laugh. My life can't get much more ridiculous. I spent the morning freaking out about my appointment with the gynaecologist, which, in the event, was actually both good and bad. Good in that I now know what's wrong (at least gynaecologically speaking, my muscular/skeletal issues are still a work in progress) and that it's nothing life threatening. But bad in that it will be complicated to resolve. So, I came home from the hospital feeling quite relieved but also a bit frustrated that I couldn't be 'fixed' simply, only to find my neighbour waiting to tell me that we have rats. YES. BIG. HORRIBLE. ICKY. RATS.

We live in a terrace of five joined houses, and apparently, if one of us has rats, then we all do. Nothing like neighbourly sharing. The little darlings are currently in our attics and crawling around our internal walls. Ick. Strangely, I'm not particulary scared of them (spiders and bugs, yes...real animals, no), but I'm more than a little bothered that they will hamper our never ending efforts to sell our house. I have visions of a rat appearing on the kitchen work surface (waving its little paws and doing the tango) just as a potential buyer enters the room. Is the entire universe hell bent against me ever moving away from Sleepy Boring Village?! I can just imagine it, the rat catcher's van in the driveway as the lovely potential buyers enter the road. It's too funny. Well, it's not, but we're trying so hard to move, it just seems funny that we are always thwarted by matters outside our control. What next? The plague of locusts?!

Despite all this, I'm in a much better mood than I've been in ages. I think I'm more relieved than I'm letting on to have at least clarity (if not resolution) about some of my medical problems. I always fear the worst, and anything better than that is a huge relief for me. It really has been draining, but I do feel stronger and more together about things now. That said, if I find a rat in my bed tonight, you'll probably all hear me, no matter how far away you are. :)

Sunday Llama Blogging

2005-11-13T18:10:00.000Z

I'm still waiting to get a cat, so in the meantime Llama blogging will have to do. We saw these whilst out locally today. They were very cute...

Friday Not Really At All Random 10...

2005-11-11T22:50:00.000Z

I had a pretty good totally random ten coming along as I listened to the shuffle whilst cleaning the house for viewings today. As I was armed with a duster and vacuum cleaner I couldn't write down the songs immediately, and the multitude of cleaning products clearly fried my brain as I couldn't remember them an hour later. Screw being random, but I also wasn't feeling in a theme mood. So I bring you ten songs that simply took my fancy as I scrolled through my itunes library...

REM "Why Not Smile?" Up
Feeder "Buck Rogers" Echo Park
Bowling For Soup "Girl All The Bad Guys Want" Drunk Enough to Dance
Deep Blue Something "Breakfast at Tiffany's" Home
Erasure "A Little Respect" The Very Best Hits of Erasure
Foo Fighters "Monkey Wrench" The Colour and The Strength
They Might Be Giants "Birdhouse In Your Soul" Flood
Meredith Brooks "Bitch" Blurring the Edges
The Strokes "Last Night" Is This It?
Four Non Blondes "What's Up?" Bigger, Better, Faster, More!

Just checkin' in...

2005-11-10T18:12:00.000Z

I haven't posted in a while because I'm still not feeling well, and life seems to be little more than trying to make myself as comfortable as possible and going to my various medical appointments. I don't want to write about it because I just don't want to think about it anymore than I already do. I also don't want to just write whiney posts, and they all seem to come out that way at the moment. I'm really hoping that things will turn a corner soon. I'm sure I'll feel a lot more positive if I feel I'm getting just a little bit better.

In the meantime, I might try writing some anecdotes from my past or some other jollier stuff - I'd really like to keep writing something - but inspiration and motivation are evading me right now.

Whilst I'm being slack, I'm loving reading all of your blogs, so please keep posting, posting, posting... :)

Telephone Therapy...

2005-11-03T15:23:00.000Z

I'm not a huge fan of speaking on the telephone. Sure, I can chat away for ages to family and good friends, and I make all the professional calls that I need to competently enough, but I've always felt a bit awkward on the telephone. I don't think it's actually speaking on the phone that's the problem, but more a fear that I won't communicate what I'm trying to say effectively and will embarrass myself and confuse the listener. A few years ago I did a lot of telephone canvassing and fundraising calls at election times, but this didn't bother me at all, and I think this was because I was anonymous (we would just introduce ourselves as representatives of our party). I still find it strange though, as in person I'm outwardly confident about speaking with all sorts of people, and even addressing large groups doesn't phase me, and of course that's not anonymous at all. I think it's because I'm more comfortable with face-to-face contact. I can see how the other person is responding, and small silences are not awkward. I'm also comfortable with writing, which is why I often choose e-mail, rather than telephone, when I want to communicate something important or difficult. Again, I'm sure it's because I feel more in control of something that's in writing, something which is less likely to be misunderstood.

And so, it will be no surprise to hear that I was more than a little concerned when my therapist suggested that we have a telephone session. It was incredibly nice of her to offer, as I've had to cancel my last couple of appointments because I haven't felt well enough to travel to OUE City, but I wasn't sure how it would work out. I was oddly nervous even though I'd be sitting on my sofa with a cup of coffee, and about 20 minutes before my therapist was due to call I sat down (just as I do in her waiting room) to collect my thoughts together. She called and it was really helpful to talk a few things out with her. It wasn't awkward at all, perhaps because she is good at reading a person's reactions even without being able to see them. It made me resolve to try a bit harder with telephone calls in future...

Phew...

2005-11-03T00:15:00.000Z

Further proof that I'm losing it. LLH has really been trying hard to take my mind off feeling unwell. He's been really good at just chatting to me about all kinds of stuff. This moring he told me that he'd heard a story on the radio about a panda that had escaped from some kind of animal park in Birmingham about four days ago and hadn't yet been found. It's a cute little red panda. LLH informed me that experts thought the panda would be just fine as it mostly just eats fruit and climbs trees, so it would probably climb into a tree in someone's garden and eat berries. But aren't they forgetting something here?! This is Birmingham. A big city. Wouldn't the poor panda risk getting run over, or trapped, or captured before even getting near a garden?? I was so worried about the cute fluffy little thing. Poor LLH, he was trying to cheer me up with eccentric news stories, but it just freaked me out. I've been thinking about him all morning. I'm so soppy.

So, you can imagine my relief when LLH e-mailed me this just now... Yay, they've found Babu! Not that I think he should live in a zoo, but when the alternative is being run over by a bus, I'm just glad he's going to be safe. Awwww. :)

It's definitely time to get back to work...

2005-10-30T20:50:00.000Z

I'd always intended to start work on my research again on 1st November. In the absence of a new flat, I'm going to camp out in my Mother's study during the daytimes. LLH and I had planned to get all of my papers and books out of the attic tomorrow night, so that I'm ready to start bright and early on Tuesday morning. I'm really happy to be getting back to it, and I feel even more compelled to since I had a dream about my supervisor last night. He wasn't telling me to get on with my research, but was saying how brilliant and ground-breaking my work is (I wish!). Is this some kind of reverse-guilt-trip from my subconscious? Does anyone else have these kind of dreams? I'm always struck by how vivid and distinct the image of my supervisor is - absolutely as in real life. God, I'm such a weirdo. I need to get out more. No, change that, I need to do some work. :)

Is Lovely Lawyer Husband Pregnant?!

2005-10-30T20:25:00.000Z

We just finished dinner. A really nice dinner that wouldn't leave you hungry at all. But as LLH was doing the dishes, he couldn't stop going on about needing ice cream. Vanilla ice cream to be precise. This is weird for LLH. He's not hugely into sweet things, and would normally only eat ice cream in the summer. I changed the subject of conversation a few times, but still he kept coming back to vanilla ice cream. Vivid descriptions of all different types, almost drooling as he mentioned them. I couldn't work out what was up with him. He became so obsessed that he decided to walk to the local shop to buy some. I began to wonder whether he was having pregnancy food cravings...could he be a medical phenomenon?! It seems not. Apparently there is a very rational explanation to his behaviour...

Our new gel room fragrancer. In our continual efforts to sell our house (again), we like to make sure that it smells appealing to viewers. Today we bought a new Warming Vanilla Spice room fragrancer. It's really homely, and if you stand next to it for a few minutes it seems that you'll develop an unstoppable desire to eat vanilla ice cream. Hmmm. Is it a good idea to have this in my house? Sure, potential buyers will be welcomed by the aroma, but will they start running for the nearest ice cream parlour before they are wooed enough to buy?

Updated to add: LLH just returned from the shop with an assortment of mini Haagen-Dazs tubs. I was so excited about this, as I must be the only person I know that has never had Haagen-Dazs. LLH knew this and it was so sweet of him to get them (not that he didn't enjoy devouring his little tub!). I had Cookies & Cream. YUM! YUM ! YUM! I'm hooked. :)

Roast Chicken Flavour Crisps

2005-10-27T20:30:00.000+01:00

Yes, we're in the business of random post titles here today, but actually it's very significant. A packet of roast chicken flavour crips (potato chips to any of my US bloggy-pals) was just about the best thing about my day. I don't mean to offend any vegetarians with this, and actually it shouldn't as the crisps were vegetarian. Although admittedly it's scary to think how many additives they used to make chicken flavour without even going near a chicken, but anyway, that's not the point...
I was stuck at the hospital for 8 hours. The staff were really kind (although my doctor was soooo young I thought she was Doogie Howserette), but I did spend most of that time just waiting around for stuff to happen, which meant I got to observe a lot of what is wrong with the National Health Service in this country. (I want to post about this, but I need to calm down and get my thoughts and ideas together first.)

As far as my own personal health dramas are concerned, we established that today the blood didn't want to come out (until its very last chance). I'm sitting here with cotton wool pads taped all over my body, looking a bit like a pin cushion. Fortunately it was worth it, all the blood tests were negative (although heaven knows what they were testing for!). The ultrasound scan and the ECG thing were also all clear. It was all a bit scary though, as I thought it would be over when they ruled out a clot in my leg, but then they freaked (because I have rib pain) that it had moved to my lungs (apparently more dangerous) so loads more tests and tons more waiting ensued. Thankfully it was fine, so whatever I have wrong with me I at least know my heart and blood is good. So it's back to the drawing board on the diagnosis...

But where did the roast chicken flavour crisps come into it? I had some cereal at 7.30am but couldn't get anything to eat in the hospital as I wasn't allowed to leave the ward, and they didn't offer me anything there (more cutbacks Mr Blair?). By 5pm, when I was still waiting for bloods, I was starving and this girl came into the waiting room eating...yes, you've guessed it...roast chicken flavour crisps. Normally I wouldn't even think about eating them, but my hunger pangs were so bad that the smell practically had me drooling over the room. So much so that as soon as they released me I went straight to the local store to buy some. Ahhhh....bliss. ;)
So yeah, roast chicken crips and pizza whilst watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart make me a content cupcake for now...Tomorrow it's back to the osteopath and next week the gynaecologist (I'll spare the details on that one), so it's all fun, fun, fun here...

Whinge. Whinge. Whinge.

2005-10-26T20:36:00.000+01:00

The title of this post is in Shrinky's honour. It could just as easily be whine, whine, whine. Yes, it's Wednesday, and if I'm in the mood for a whine I should go over to Phantom's place. But, hell, I'm gonna whine here. You know, it's my party and I'll whine if I want to...

Actually, I'm more than a little worried that my blog has been little more than a whine-fest of late. I've even avoided blogging at times because the only things that have been occupying my mind are my move-from-hell and my ongoing health sagas. I'm pig sick of both of these situations, and am desperate to blog (and think) about something else, but given that I'm still in pain and still trying to sell my damn house, it just ain't gonna happen...

Anyone still reading this post deserves a medal. You guys have been with me so much recently, and I really can't thank you enough for sticking with it. You're absolutely, totally and utterly the best, and I'm sorry I've been a bit lame at reading and commenting recently.

And so, here we have the next instalment of Pink Cupcake's dramas...

House-wise we're back on the market. We're cleaning like nutters. We're probably going to lose the flat. Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. Whatever.

My main gripe right now isn't with the house (except it hurts like heck to clean right now, and it's not fair for LLH to do everything when he's working long hours), but with my leg. My leg pain has been really bad for the past week or so, and the pain seems to be moving elsewhere around my body too (ribs, back etc. etc.). Plus, my leg has swollen pretty badly in a couple of places, and I'm just sick of feeling sick. So I decided I had to see a doctor again. Only problem, my doctor is on vacation, and I wasn't really feeling up to the 8-hour round trip to see her in OUE City anyway. Fortunately, my Mum, who is a pillar of the local community here in Sleepy Boringland, managed to blag me into an appointment with a local doc. So, I merrily went along to an appointment expecting him to say I had yet more weird muscular swellings. But. No. He totally freaked me out.

You know it's bad when the doctor says that he doesn't want you to panic before he tells you his prognosis, right? When he says you need to go to the hospital tomorrow morning (especially in this country where you have to wait months to get even the slightest whiff of a hospital)? Actually he said I should really have gone to hospital today, but that at 4.30pm I wouldn't get there in time to see the relevant doctors. He's worried that I might have Deep Vein Thrombosis (blood clots). That hadn't even occurred to me. I have to have an ultrasound scan in the morning and then take it from there. It's apparently totally treatable (although unpleasant) if that's what the problem is, the big danger is if you don't get it checked out in time and the clot moves or something. I'm just hoping that (if that's what I've got) it'll stay still for the next twelve hours. Of course, if I don't have DVT we're back to the drawing board, but apparently we'll have ruled the worst thing out. I really hope so.

So, yeah, I really, really hope this blog will be full of happy, jolly posts very, very soon, but in the meantime I'm afraid you're stuck with the whinging of a scared little cupcake...

Happy Birthday Lovely Lawyer Husband!

2005-10-22T20:37:00.000+01:00

LLH is 32 today. I never did get around to doing the 100 Things meme, so instead I give you 32 Things about the most important person in my life...

He once had purple waist-length hair, now he has just a little more than James Carville or Michael Stipe.
He shoved a girl's dislocated shoulder back into its socket (at her request) during a New Model Army concert.
He's the only commercial lawyer I know who has three Che Guevara t-shirts.
He had a fascinating student job that involved sorting broken almonds from whole almonds.
He's one of a rare breed of Atlanta Falcons fans in the UK.
He once drove Anne Widdecombe the wrong way down a one-way street.
He can't really dance, but does this funny little arm-wiggle thing very enthusiastically. So cute. ;)
His ideal holiday destination is North Korea.
He never cries, but he did during Life is Beautiful.
His favourite books are Robert E Caro's series of biographies about LBJ.
He's a foot taller than me.
He remembers the kind of things that nobody else does, which makes him awesome at Pub Quizzes and Trivial Pursuit.
He didn't like flowers until he met me. Now he's a convert.
He protests everytime I re-watch the Legally Blonde movies, but secretly he loves them.
He recently gave up caffeine for a year, but eventually saw the error of his ways and is making up for lost time by having an extra shot in everything.
He's just about to start reading Hemingway's For Whom The Bell Tolls.
He bought me a stone gargoyle for my birthday the first year we were together. I liked it, my mother wasn't so sure.
He's three years and four months older than me.
He's always wanted to learn to play the guitar, but hasn't got around to it yet. Maybe this year...
He's totally squeamish. He'd have to like you very, very much to even think about visiting you in hospital.
He finds Christmas boring :( , but he likes tacky tinsel decorations way too much.
He's totally soft over cute fluffy animals. He's so excited that we're going to get a cat soon.
He can play God Save the Queen on a plastic ruler. (Don't even ask! I didn't know this until now. Apparently he learnt at school.)
He's good at painting, but other than that his DIY skills are non-existent. He should never be let loose with a power tool!
His ideal meal would be mussels to start, lobster with salad as a main course, all washed down with a very cold bottle of Sancerre and finished off with a double espresso.
He's very into juicing and smoothies.
His favourite song is REM's Country Feedback.
He's scared of babies and little children, and I think the feeling's pretty mutual. ;)
He's very rational, and very impatient. So a lawyer...
He's convinced that he's still 23.
He's looking forward to the day that we have a house big enough for him to have a den, though I dread to think how he would decorate it.
He's kind, funny, incredibly smart and handsome, and I feel so fortunate to be sharing my life with him.

Happy 32nd Birthday LLH!

Back to work...

2005-10-19T11:38:00.000+01:00

I really need to get back to work. When I moved away from OUE City in June, I agreed with my supervisor that I would take the summer off, and would also apply to suspend my status for the Winter term. This means that I have no formal commitment to be working on my research again until January, but the plan was always to start in October/November. I really needed the break, but there are some important funding deadlines coming up around March next year, so I need to get back up to speed and hit the ground running in January. I'd like to have quite substantial drafts ready by the time I meet my supervisor in early January, and given that I haven't worked for several months and a lot of the previous year passed in a blur, I need to get focused. I need to spend quite a bit of time bringing myself up-to-date with general developments in my field (which changes amazingly quickly), and then I need to get cosy with my research topic again. I'm looking forward to all of this, but the logistics of getting back to work aren't simple...

All of my research papers and books are in boxes in the attic, mixed with all our other possessions ready for our move. I intended to start work again once we had moved (this Friday, hah!), but the move-from-hell isn't going anywhere fast, so I'll now have to unpack all the boxes and trawl for my work. *sigh*. Plus, as we turned our study back into a second bedroom, I don't have anywhere to work right now (how much longer can I blame everything on the move-from-hell?!). Our house is very tiny, so there's no room anywhere else for a desk and a bookcase, and I really need at least a little space. I think I'm even more conscious of this than I would normally be, as I know it's going to take me a while to get to grips with my research again, and I don't want to be put off by my environment. My last desk in OUE City looked over a beautiful garden quad, I had lots of bookshelves and I was just minutes away from some of the world's best libraries, so I'm not surprised to be a little wistful as I sit here perched on the sofa with my laptop.

I'm going to try to resolve the situation a little by working at my Mum's house. She has a study which is very cluttered right now, but she's said I can clear it out a bit. It'll be really nice to have somewhere to work away from home. I'm going stir crazy here right now, and it's only going to get worse once we're back into tidy-mode for house viewings. The downside of my Mum's house is that there's no internet access, which means I'll have to be very organised about finding on-line resources ahead of time, plus (and this is the worst bit!) I won't be able to take blogging breaks during the day. :( Nevermind, productivity will reign!

So, from next Monday I should have the physical requirements of work sorted out, but I'm also worried about the emotional side. I'm used to having other grad students around and being in a university environment. Whether it's attending discussion groups and seminars, or just chatting over coffee, I'm used to the intellectual stimulation and companionship that comes with research. But now that I live several hours away from OUE City, I don't have the same access to intellectual and emotional support for my work. Sure, if there's a really important lecture or meeting I want to go to, I can make the journey, but I can't just do that to have a quick chat with a colleague or a mutual rant with a friend. I'm just worried that the lonely business of research is becoming even more isolated for me. When we eventually move to Trendy Seaside City (okay, I'm not going down that route again ;)), I'm determined to become involved locally, so that even if I don't have the academic support I used to have, I won't be alone so much. I think that will really help. For now, I'm in limbo and I've got to do my best to stay positive.

Feeling crafty...

2005-10-16T18:15:00.000+01:00

I visited a very cute little craft centre with my Mum today, and it was lots of fun to look at all the different items people had made. All manner of crafts were on display...paper items, hand-made cards, decorated wood, needlework, fabrics of all sorts, beads and lots of knitted items. Whilst I've always loved browsing at craft centres, I've never really got into crafts myself. I don't think it's because I'd be hopeless, but because I've always seen it as something I don't have time for. I was really happy with the invites and other stationery that I made for our wedding, but aside from that, I've never really made anything. Maybe I've never recovered from the trauma of my sewing teacher at school making me unpick and re-sew a pencil case way too many times! But now seems like a good time to do something a bit creative...something to provide me with a little distraction from everything else that's going on. But what??? I want to start with something simple enough that I won't get frustrated and throw it in the bin. Maybe make something Christmassy...cards? Maybe a simple knitting project? If so, what?

Any ideas and advice from crafty bloggers would be much appreciated...I promise to blog photos of my efforts, however pathetic... :)

What's been happening...

2005-10-15T17:05:00.000+01:00

I'm relieved to say that I've finally made some progress health-wise, and am feeling a lot more positive that things are moving in the right direction. I've had tons of pain in my left leg and also down the left side of my back and ribcage, which became pretty swollen. Despite three 8 hour round-trip visits to my doctor in OUE City over the past couple of weeks (and, geez, travelling that far with back pain is so not fun), she really didn't offer any advice or possible explanation. She just told me to take pain medication and see how things were in a few weeks. Great. I understand that my doctor thinks that a lot of my physical symptoms are just lingering niggles from the past couple of years which will disappear as I gradually get better, but honestly, pain that stops you from sitting, laying down and walking normally can't be good, right?
And so, I decided to go see my osteopath. He'd been amazing in the past when I had neck/shoulder trouble, but I really thought that the pain I'm suffering from now was not bone/muscle related, but something that he wouldn't be able to help with. I was nervous about the appointment, not because I'd be pulled and prodded about, but because I was worried that he couldn't help and I'd be no nearer to getting better. Fortunately, that didn't happen. He immediately (and literally) put his finger on the problem. I apparently have two ribs that are partly trapped and my pelvis and lower back are not properly aligned right now. Sounds horrid, but I'm just so glad to finally know what's wrong. I'll need a series of appointments to get things back in place, but I can already feel things freeing up a little. Yay for my osteopath...he's my hero of the week!
If I can have an inanimate hero of the week, it has to be this. I'm totally in love with my fleecy microwavable wheat bag. Actually, I have 2 small ones, plus the larger hot-water bottle shaped one. They definitely helped ease my discomfort this week, and I know that they'll also be great to snuggle with when I have cramps or just need something warming in winter. They're awesome and smell wonderful too (the small ones are citrus and eucalyptus and the larger one is lavender)...I'm definintely going to be buying some for Christmas gifts.
I also started back with therapy the week before last. It had been quite a long break, as the OUE Therapy Service only opens during term time, so I hadn't been since late June. I was a little reticent about going back again, as I'd been working through quite a few tough issues before the summer break, and there was part of me that just wanted to put off dealing with it all again. But I did go, and I'm glad I did. I've had the same therapist for nearly two years, and although it's now a long journey to see her, I don't think I'm ready to stop therapy yet or to see a different therapist nearer to home. Actually, I find the journey home very helpful as it gives me the space to go over the session in my own mind. There are definitely some things that I've been talking about in therapy that I want to blog about, but I need to get my thoughts clearer first.
What else? Oh yes, your very favourite Pink Cupcake blogging topic...my impending move. Well, it's all gone to hell in a handbasket. To cut a very long saga short, we won't be moving anywhere anytime soon and I couldn't be more p*ssed off about it. There are some major legal problems with Dream Flat, which our oh-so-unobservant lawyers didn't even notice. Were it not for LLH and some of his colleagues in the Commercial department, we'd probably still be completely unaware of all of these difficulties which are so bad as to make the property unmortgageable right now. Sorting all of this out is potentially very complex and costly, and may not even be possible, but after much hand-wringing we decided to go for it and try to resolve the problems. However, as we wouldn't be able to move into the flat next week as planned, our most immediate problem was that we'd soon be homeless. Fortunately, my Mum said we could stay with her (which has its own issues - it's not easy to stay with someone who has lived alone for 12 years and who has a completely perfect house with not one thing out of place, but that's another story), and I began to arrange storage.
I wasn' t happy about any of this, especially as I still wouldn't have a permanent base and somewhere to finally unpack all of my research, but we resigned ourselves to the fact that at least we'd sold our house. Houses aren't selling particularly quickly around here right now, so homeless or not, Dream Flat or not, at least we weren't still going through the house-selling nightmare. Or so we thought...
Our perfect house-buyers (first-timers with no property to sell and a pre-approved mortgage loan) who were all but ready to exchange contracts are no longer able to proceed. One of them has lost her job and they now can't get the mortgage. They may be able to sort things out if she finds another suitably stable job, but who knows how long that could take. I just can't believe the entire catalogue of disasters that our (non) move has been. And now we're back where we started from in June. It looks like I'll be calling real estage agents again on Monday and starting the endless cycle of cleaning and fretting. Not sure I can face it, but there's no other option. Plus, with the slowness of the property market here right now, it's very unlikely that we'll be able to buy Dream Flat, even if we sort out the legal problems. *sigh*. Okay, so I didn't manage to cut the long house saga very short, but I honestly could have gone on much longer, and did need to get it off my chest. It's really made me a grumpy cupcake. :(
Not wanting to end this long post with doom and gloom, here's a few positive things that have happened too...
I had my bi-annual eye test and apparently my eyesight has improved! I didn't even know it could improve. I'd always thought that it only deteriorated with age, but apparently not. My sight was pretty good anyway, but my optician recommended that I wear my glasses even less...yay! Although I do think they make me look more intelligent and studious. ;)
I caught up with one of my best friends in OUE City. As I don't really see many people since I've been living back in Sleepy Boring Village, I'd forgotten how much I just enjoyed hanging out for coffee with my grad school friends. It was fun to have a really good conversation about all sorts of important and unimportant stuff (which I haven't really done with anyone but LLH for ages).
To compensate for the fact that it will be a bit longer before we get our own cat, LLH bought me this. I love its sparkly eyes.
I've been reading The Return of the Timewaster Letters. I'm not sure that it's quite as funny as The Timewaster Letters, but it's still very good and well worth a chunk of anyone's procrastination time. Be wary of reading it in public though, it's the kind of thing that makes you spontaneously laugh out loud.
Oh, and I got the Sixth Season of the West Wing on DVD. Woo hoo! I think it's possibly moving from idealistic to fantastical in parts, but whatever, LLH and I both love it. We're already up to episode 15 out of 22. No prizes for how I'll be spending my Saturday evening...

Hope you're all having a great weekend, and thanks, as ever, for of the supportive comments you've left recently, they really did mean a lot to me. :)

Back soon...

2005-10-09T20:10:00.000+01:00

Just checking in to say that whilst I haven't posted much recently, I'm not deserting my blog forever. I miss posting a lot, but right now I just don't feel up to it. I'm still not feeling well and I don't really want to blog about that, but I can't really focus on writing about much else either. I could blog about being achy and miserable, but even if anyone else could suffer reading that kind of stuff, writing it won't make me feel a lot better. I just need to ride this out. I hope I'll be back on track very soon...in the meantime I'll be reading all of your blogs.

Barely porcupines...

2005-10-03T21:14:00.000+01:00

In keeping with the property obsession in the Pink Cupcake House, LLH and I were just watching a TV show where people go house-hunting. Tonight's couple insisted that they wanted a property with character and period features, but they clearly didn't. They wanted to rip the beautiful victorian fireplaces and all manner of beautiful, original features out of every single property they looked at. They were really beginning to piss me off and I commented to LLH that they were cultural philistines. He retorted, 'Philistines. No, Pink Cupcake, they're barely porcupines'.

Yes, it's very silly, but it totally cracked me up. I love that I'm married to someone who can make me smile and laugh at the smallest of things...the kind of things that wouldn't necessarily be funny if anyone else said them.

You probably all knew this already...

2005-10-01T23:06:00.000+01:00

...but I love that the White House Biography of President George W Bush is the top search result if you google 'miserable failure'.

The Surprising Seven...

2005-10-01T22:29:00.000+01:00

I must be the last person to do this, but here's 7 things that might surprise you about me:

1. I met my husband in a monastery. No, he didn't run away from the brotherhood to marry me and become a corporate lawyer...It is a pretty amusing story though, so I'll definitely blog about it soon.

2. My first serious boyfriend came out during our relationship. At the time it didn't make me feel any better when he said 'I just felt that if I could have been straight with anyone, it would have been you'. I can laugh about it now, but how I wish that Will and Grace had been on TV back then...

3. I know way more than anyone would ever need to know about Champagne. Of course, with grad student finances this knowledge is pretty much wasted, but hopefully not forever. :)

4. My wedding dress was a replica of the dress worn by Audrey Hepburn for the ball in My Fair Lady (below).

5. I've seen two stuffed dictators - Mao and Lenin. Next up, Ho Chi Minh and Kim Il Sung...

6. I once played Bloody Mary in South Pacific. It took weeks for my pale skin and blonde hair to recover from the masses of black spray on dye and thick brown make-up. All in the name of art... ;)

7. It took me three years to learn to drive and I've only driven once since I passed my test (first time!) three years ago.

Back...

2005-09-30T20:09:00.000+01:00

I'm very happy to say I'm back and I'm doing just fine. When I wrote my last 'I'll be back in a few days' post, I was frightened that this next post would be much bleaker, and I can't say how thankful I am that it doesn't have to be. I had been feeling pretty unwell in a whole host of different ways for a couple of weeks, including a reasonably large swelling on my right thigh. I won't go into any details, but the combination of the lump and other pains just completely freaked me out. I was utterly terrified and absolutely convinced of the worst. This wasn't helped by the fact that (until we move) my registered doctor is still in OUE City, so I had to make a three hour journey just to get to see her.

My appointment wasn't until yesterday, so for nearly a week I was trying to keep my fears under control, but really wasn't making a good job of it. At times I managed to stay calmish, but at other times I just lost it completely. I'm certain that losing my father to cancer when I was 14 has made me expect the worst in just about any situation. Other children's parents sometimes got ill, went to hospital, people worried, they maybe had an operation, they got better, and all was right with the world. That wasn't the case for me. My dad got ill, everyone told me things would be just fine, the doctors suspected that he may have gall bladder problems or something else not too serious, but things weren't fine. He went to hospital and never came home. He died within 3 weeks of being diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. That's why I find it so hard to believe that outcomes won't always be bad.

I spent the week blaming myself for ignoring little niggling physical symptoms over the past year or two, which I just really didn't have the energy to deal with when I was depressed and struggling with side-effects (and later withdrawal) from anti-depressants. I decided that if there was something seriously wrong, it was my fault for not addressing these problems earlier. I was distraught and angry that just as I felt my life was really coming together for the first time in years, it was about to fall apart. I was about to fall apart.

And so, it was in this happy frame of mind that I went to the doctor. LLH was able to take a day off to come with me. I don't know how I would have made it through the journey there without him, I was just so nervous. In some ways I was desperate to get the appointment over with, but in other ways I didn't want it to happen. As it turns out, the lump is nothing sinister (although I may need to have it removed at some point), and my many other symptoms are a multitude of minor problems that my doctor attributed to the fact that I've been drained and rundown for quite some time. So I just need to put some energy into getting fully better. I need to eat, relax and exercise properly, and stock up on vitamins, natural potions and supplements. Basically I need to be kinder to myself, but that's another thing I'm not very good at. I seem to have an inner need to over-compensate for the fact I was unwell with depression over the past couple of years, which results in me pushing myself too hard and beating myself up for not meeting my own standards. Yeah, I just need to chill a bit...

I am very happy though. Happy that there is nothing seriously wrong, and that I can now look forward to our move, the next phase of my research and also just enjoying life. I feel very fortunate. I also feel very sleepy. So I'm going to go curl up on the sofa with LLH and a new book about cats that I got today. There's lots more I want to blog about (including 5 great questions that Running2Ks wrote for me, and the Seven Surprising Things meme), but I'll save all that for tomorrow. Until then, thank you so much for all of your supportive comments and good wishes - I really did appreciate them enormously. And, although I didn't really comment much this week, reading all your blogs was one of the only things that could distract me from my fears for a little while, so thank you for that too. :)

A little longer...

2005-09-27T16:17:00.000+01:00

Just stopping by to say that I'm going to be taking a few more days away from blogging. I need to sort a few things out health-wise, but will hopefully be up and running again before the end of the week.

Thanks so much for all of the very kind comments that you left on my last post - I really did appreciate them so much. :)

A weekend off...

2005-09-23T16:30:00.000+01:00

I haven't been feeling very well this week, just some aches, pains and annoyances that are making me feel crappy and drained. I don't think it's anything to particularly worry about, just one manifestation of the fact that I'm feeling pretty out of sorts in a lot of ways right now. I'm not depressed, but I am feeling quite down and am struggling with my moods and motivation. I just want to feel a lot healthier, and maybe just taking better care of myself (water, herbal teas, vitamins, exercise, good food) for a couple of days will make all the difference. I think some of the problem is the whole being in limbo thing. It's now three and a half months since I left OUE City, but as life's been pretty up in the air since then with planning to move etc., I just haven't settled down into any routine. I need to feel healthy, settled and to have some certainty in life, and the last two years haven't been good for any of those things. I know that in less than a month we'll (fingers crossed) be in our new home, but I'm just not dealing with anything particularly well right now. The combination of physical and mental niggles is getting to me, and I just want to cry or yell.

And so, I've decided to take a weekend away from blogging. I haven't blogged much this week because of how I've been feeling, but that has also been annoying me as there's a lot I wanted to post about. I'm hoping that telling myself I won't blog for a couple of days will at least stop me from beating myself up about it when I don't. Yeah, I know that probably doesn't make any sense, but I'm just feeling angry and frustrated with myself about everything right now, and don't want the blog to get added to the mix. When I say I won't be blogging, I should say posting. Reading blogs has been really helpful to me this week, and I'm sure I'll be reading over the weekend. Back on Monday...

Bad luck comes in threes...

2005-09-22T18:07:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, my watch fell off my wrist and smashed. This afternoon, an arm fell off my glasses. And, just now, as I was thinking of writing a quick blog post about what the third piece of bad luck might be, I accidentally stabbed a pen nib into my hand. Ouch! Guess that ends the speculation. :)

It's the little unexpected things...

2005-09-21T15:56:00.000+01:00

Someone was reading The Ghosts from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's Hiawatha poem on BBC Radio 4 just now, and it reminded me so much of my Dad. When I was little, he used to read parts of this poem to me before I went to sleep at night. I love the rhythm of the poem, it's almost magical and draws you in. In my head I can still hear my Dad reciting it. I still miss him so very much.