Bleurgh blogging...
I'm feeling decidely bleurgh today. Completely out of sorts. Just want to hide under the covers and cry, and then cry some more.
This stems from yesterday's appointment with my doctor, at which I got the results of the MRI scan of my back. The scan showed that I have some problems with bulging discs and damaged ligaments which are pressing on my spinal cord. These are what is causing the pain in my back (and also my front rib area and sometimes legs). I didn't expect this at all. I don't think my doctor did either. He was certainly moving in the direction of some type of connective tissue disorder before this, and hadn't even mentioned this possibility. It's not so much that I'm massively bothered by the diagnosis (although I am a bit, and it certainly doesn't answer why I have some of my other symptoms), it's the treatment options that worry me more.
To start with I have to take eight painkillers a day, then, if that's no help, I'll start anti-inflammatory tablets too, then perhaps a series of epidural steroid injections, and possibly surgery on my spinal area (which sounded pretty complicated). My specialist wants to avoid surgery if possible (as do I!), but I'm not wild about stuffing a ton of medication into my body on a long term basis either, especially as it's not actually going to solve the problem, but just alleviate pain. Apparently, the problem may right itself, get worse (less likely), or just stay about the same forever. I certainly don't want to be taking pain medication for years on end, but I have to find some way of living a normal life. At the moment, I can't do a lot of everyday stuff, I can't get comfortable in bed and the pain makes it very difficult for me to sit down and concentrate on my research (read: I haven't done so in ages). I can't go on like this.
Oh, I don't know, I'm just waffling. I just feel strung out and overwhelmed by it all. I know it's not the end of the world and that there are so many people far worse off than me, but I just feel down in the dumps right now.
I am going out tonight though and thankfully we've got seats at the concert (normally we stand, seats are for wimps not 'real' fans according to my husband!), so that should make it easier on my back. Even though I don't feel much like going, I guess I could definitely use a fix of upbeat rock music right now!
Hopefully I'll be back to jollier blogging tomorrow...
posted by Pink Cupcake @ 5:41 pm
14 Comments:
ok, first -- sucks and I'm sorry.
BUT. you have the exact thing my dad has, but probably to a lesser degree because he is way older and basically beat up his back terribly through his job, etc.
The good news? The epidural steroid injections are _awesome_ for him. He was told all the crazy scary sounding back surgery stuff, and went through the progression of painkillers, etc to these epidural steroid injections and...there he remains, with no pressing need for crazy scary surgery.
I completely understand about not wanting to medicate yourself for years and years, but those epidural steroid injections are weeks if not months apart (I think my dad gets them every 3 months now) and while they aren't a cure, they're the first step to a normal life again...and then basically see what happens. You might heal on your own, with time, and if the time is pain-free time (or at least much less pain)...some happiness ensues.
Please don't take any of this as a "you should do this, blah blah blah, everything will be fine, blah blah blah" kind of post, but seriously, my dad went through years of undiagnosed pain, all the things you discussed, and doctors are aghast that he can even stand up/sit down let alone function normally with how fucked up his back is...so...yeah. Take that for what it's worth.
Youch! I'm so sorry!
You moved! Does this mean kitties soon?
Oh, I'm so sorry, Pink Cupcake! I guess it takes time to assimilate any diagnosis. Hugs to you while you sort through it all!
Julie - Thanks so much for mentioning this. I'm really hoping that I'll be able to deal with it in a similar way to your Dad, because I'm so not keen on the surgery option. Now that I'm not as freaked out as I was immediately after the appointment, I can think about it all more rationally and I'm going to write down all the things I want to ask my doctor about when I see him next (about epidurals etc.). I think it will help to have a clearer understanding of it all, which I certainly couldn't have got my head around on Thursday as I went into complete panic mode! I'm really glad to hear your Dad is doing so well, too.
Shrinky - I've been meaning to e-mail you as I mentioned in your comments last week! Sorry, my brain's been all over the place - will do so very soon.
And, yes, the move means kitties as soon as we get all the boxes unpacked and tidier. Sooooo looking forward to it - and of course will blog lots of photos!
Phantom - Thanks for being so sweet, as ever. I'm feeling a bit more settled now than I was on Thursday, so that's a good start.
Big hugs and a humongus "that really sucks"
Thanks, Liz, you're such a sweetie. :)
Aw-- Well, I'm sorry to hear that this is the diagnosis, but I'm happy to hear that you have some answers at last. This certianly isn't ideal, but it's better than not knowing anything, right? I'm sure within a few days, time to recover, assimilate and get your thoughts together, this will seem more manageable. ::hugs!::
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you - big hugs!
This sounds just terrible; I'm so sorry. Sending good thoughts--you deserve them.
Man, I'm away from my computer for the weekend, and you've gotten your diagnosis! I'm so sorry that it's such as scary-sounding one, but I'm glad that jm's dad's doing so well with the same thing.
I very much get the whole wanting to avoid scary spinal surgery stuff. My dad's going in for an MRI very soon, because his severe spinal curvature (childhood polio) is putting a lot of pressure on the base of his spine. The doctor's so far saying they're going to need to operate, because it could get worse, which is indeed frightening. So yeah, I'm there with you, PC.
And you don't only have to do jolly blogging. (That phrase is fun to say.) Thank you for keeping us updated, and we're here listening.
yay! kitties!
I've emailed you, actually ... so check your blog email.
Kristiface - I completely agree, it's certainly better to have a diagnosis. At least I now have something to work with.
comebacknikki and Limon - Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.
QofWP - Thanks for always being there. I really hope things work out well for your Dad. I don't know if he's ever had an MRI before, but although the actually scan is not the most pleasant experience (pretty claustrophic and incredibly noisy), it really is worth it, as the pictures are amazing and tell the doctors pretty much everything.
Shrinky - Just going across to email you back...
Oh no, this is shitty indeed. I am glad to hear that they have come up with a diagnosis, though, because all of this not knowing was very scary. At least now you can find a way to control the pain and start to feel better. You deserve it, damnit!!!
Plus, I want to come visit so you have to be in top form ; )
Halloweenlover - Yes, I am very glad to have a diagnosis, although they think that a lot of my other symptoms (which are beginning to lessen, thankfully) were associated with some or other virus, rather than my back condition. Either way, as long as they get better, that's fine, and I can now get to grips with sorting the back problem out as much as possible.
And yes, you must come visit...anytime. :)
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